Let me start with complete honesty. I never envisioned myself raising a child alongside a partner, primarily because I never thought I would become a parent at all.
As a child, my playtime revolved around holding a brush like a microphone. I imagined myself as a rock star, a news anchor, or a celebrated author captivating an audience. The idea of motherhood never crossed my mind; I didn’t engage in pretend weddings or play with dolls during recess. That simply wasn’t my interest.
Then came my son—a delightful, unexpected miracle. I’m grateful my life took this turn, as the universe clearly intended for me to have him in my life. I’ve become a better person through knowing him, and I continually marvel at the joy of being entrusted with his vibrant spirit.
However, the reality remains that because I didn’t foresee this path, I’m navigating it without a clear guide. Perhaps none of us truly have it figured out. Imagine how much simpler parenting could be if babies came with instruction manuals.
To complicate matters further, I’m a solo mom, not just a single mom. This means I don’t have weekends off, nor anyone stepping in to assist when I’m overwhelmed or just need a breather. While I’m fortunate to have my mom around, it’s not the same as having a partner who is equally involved.
My son’s father, who I refer to as a co-creator, resides in Dublin, Ireland. We fell in love while I was backpacking through Europe. When I learned I was pregnant and he chose not to be part of our lives, he earned the title of coward—fatherhood is a role that must be earned, not simply bestowed by biology.
Being a solo mom can be incredibly challenging. Beyond the obvious struggles of finances and responsibilities, there’s the emotional toll of interacting with other parents. I often find myself in situations surrounded by co-parenting couples—two people proudly supporting their child together.
I don’t know what “together” feels like. It’s always been just me, with no one to lean on or share in my son’s achievements. I often watch other mothers, their partners excitedly cheering on their kids, and it feels surreal to me, almost like observing aliens.
But then I remind myself that my perception of these partnerships is likely skewed. They might not be as perfect as they seem—more like roommates with scheduled intimacy rather than the romanticized ideal I envision.
Still, having someone to share my son’s milestones with would be a comforting change. I’ve never experienced that bond, and while I don’t wish for sympathy, I thrive on my independence. I’ve never needed a relationship to feel valued or significant. I’m too resilient to expect someone else to fulfill my emotional or financial needs.
This doesn’t mean I’m bitter; love can be a beautiful experience for those lucky enough to find it. For me, my “person” is my son. No other role has brought me as much joy and fulfillment as being his mom. It’s a permanent title that no one can take away.
Recently, my son overheard someone say to me, “I don’t know how you do it alone.” Later that night, he asked, “Mom, aren’t you glad you’re a solo mom?” I was curious about his perspective, and he replied, “If I were just like other kids with dads at home, we wouldn’t get to spend so much time together. He’d probably feel left out because I really like having it just be the two of us.”
He had a point. Nobody talks about the perks of being a solo mom. I make all the decisions about our lives together. I experience every moment with my child, never missing holidays or weekends. He turns to me for comfort when he’s scared or upset, seeks my advice when needed, and shares his daily adventures with me.
It might sound selfish, but there’s immense beauty in our duo dynamic. I get to be my child’s number one, and he is mine.
In the words of a meme I recently came across, “Any woman can be a mother, but it takes a badass woman to be a father, too.”
For more insights on solo parenting, check out this post on home insemination and for authoritative information, visit Make a Mom’s guide on home insemination kits. Additionally, Medical News Today offers great resources on fertility.
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In summary, while being a solo mom comes with its challenges, it also offers unique rewards. Embracing this journey has allowed me to forge a deep connection with my son, creating a life that, despite its difficulties, is rich with love and fulfillment.