My daughter recently decided she wanted to shave her legs. She felt it was time, especially since many of her friends were showing up to school in shorts with smooth legs. I assured her that I fully supported her decision and would guide her through the process, but I also emphasized that it was entirely her choice whether to remove her body hair or not. If she preferred to wait—or even to never shave—that was completely up to her.
She went ahead with it, and I helped her shave her legs while we sat on the edge of the tub. That was weeks ago, and she hasn’t brought it up again. Whether it didn’t change her life as much as she thought or she simply doesn’t care anymore, I’m perfectly okay with it.
Back in my middle school days, one of the key markers of growing up was shaving your legs. Girls were expected to start this between fifth and seventh grade, and not doing so meant standing out in a way that felt uncomfortable. I barely had any hair to remove, but succumbing to social pressure, I started shaving. The result? Nicked skin and occasional burns from hair removal cream. I thought that using a razor would somehow elevate my status among my peers, but the reality was far from that.
In my childhood, not shaving was viewed as a choice for the “free-spirits,” but now, many people proudly embrace their natural body hair. It feels empowering to know that there are alternatives to painful hair removal methods. I recall the unpleasant experience of overusing hair removal lotion, resulting in painful, red patches instead of the smooth legs I envisioned.
Today, my social media is filled with women who choose not to shave their armpits, questioning why they should when men don’t. When did it become normal to subject ourselves to discomfort just to conform?
I’m teaching my children that if they’re ready and responsible enough to shave, I’ll show them how to do it safely. But if they choose not to, that’s perfectly valid too. Their preferences don’t need validation from anyone else. This philosophy extends beyond body hair to all forms of self-expression—be it clothing choices, hairstyles, or hobbies. As long as their choices are safe and appropriate for the situation, why not let them explore?
There have been instances where my kids have pursued interests that are typically associated with the opposite gender. For example, my daughter played roller hockey one year, and another child of mine is the only girl in their drum class. It’s wonderful to see them thrive in spaces that challenge traditional stereotypes, as it allows them to grow and learn in diverse environments.
Like many parents, I grew up in a world where gender roles were rigid. Girls were expected to play with dolls and shave their legs, while boys played with trucks. Witnessing the barriers between genders in clothing and interests dissolve has been refreshing and long overdue.
I remember the discomfort of wearing tights on special occasions, wishing I could wear something more comfortable like the boys who had pockets for their treasures. I don’t want my children to endure that kind of discomfort, no matter the context.
Body hair can remain if that’s what makes them feel good or it can be removed—either way, their reasons don’t need to be justified to anyone. Adolescence is a time for self-exploration, and I want my kids to establish healthy boundaries. They should understand that they don’t have to explain their choices regarding their bodies to anyone.
I hope more parents embrace the idea of body positivity and teach their children that it’s okay not to change their bodies if they don’t want to. Regardless of what my kids choose, I also want them to learn not to judge others for their decisions. We’d all benefit from focusing on our own choices instead of critiquing others.
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In summary, I am teaching my tweens the importance of making their own choices regarding body hair, while encouraging them to embrace their individuality and respect others’ decisions. It’s essential that they learn to feel confident in their skin, whatever that may look like.