Let me be clear: sleeping with your ex is generally a bad idea. To be more precise, hooking up with an ex without first asking yourself, “Am I certain this is what I want?” is a recipe for disaster. At least, it was for me.
I have many regrets about my decision to sleep with my ex-husband, but there’s also one key takeaway that I don’t regret at all. Let’s dive into the details.
Like many poor choices I’ve made, this one was born out of desire. A few months after our separation, we both started missing the physical connection. It all began with his enticing triceps.
Having sex with my ex-husband had always been a weakness of mine. I had trained him well, and he was more than eager to please. There’s a unique kind of magic in knowing someone intimately, isn’t there? It’s common for exes to crave that intimacy, especially when the breakup is still fresh. That’s what I convinced myself of after returning home early one evening.
At that time, my ex and I were still living together. He insisted I take the upstairs room while he crashed on the couch. When I found him engrossed in a game of Street Fighter, I was tempted to retreat to my room. But then I caught sight of his flexed triceps and thought, Oh boy, this isn’t going to end well.
He was staring at me, and when I glanced back, I noticed that his gaze lingered a little too long. I missed that attention. I missed us. That was my first regrettable choice. Instead of reminding myself why we ended things, I let nostalgia take over—ignoring the fact that we were exes for a reason.
I was yearning for a romantic connection reminiscent of Jack and Rose from Titanic or a passionate kiss in the rain like in The Notebook. This experience taught me that it’s perfectly normal to miss what you once shared, even if moving on is often the healthier choice. People change, relationships evolve, and if you rekindle something without acknowledging those changes, you might end up hurting for a while.
I wish I had realized that earlier—but my mind was set on getting intimate.
“Did you get a new tattoo?” my ex-husband inquired, his attention shifting to the ink peeking from beneath my collarbone. When he asked to touch it, I let him. “The skin is soft,” he remarked.
“Wanna watch TV upstairs?” was my impulsive reply. I don’t recall what we watched—perhaps an old episode of Rugrats or some amusing fail videos on YouTube. What I do remember is that we laughed together, which led to a whirlwind of kisses and then, well, you can fill in the blanks.
The sex was confusing—intense yet strangely lacking. Performance-wise, it was some of the best we’d ever had, marked by deeper kisses and heightened passion. There’s something liberating about knowing it’s the end of a relationship; you tend to let go of inhibitions.
But once we were done, I found myself grappling with yet another regret: not asking myself what I truly wanted from this encounter. Understanding your intentions and the possible consequences is crucial when it comes to matters of the heart.
As my ex hopped out of bed to use the restroom, I felt a wave of regret wash over me. I had wasted our time.
Listen, if you choose to sleep with your ex post-breakup, that’s your decision. In my case, it was a bittersweet farewell to a relationship. However, I should have prepared myself mentally first. If both parties are on the same page and agree to a “friends with benefits” situation, then so be it.
A recent study by Wayne University even suggests that having sex with an ex can lead to positive feelings. Fascinating, right? But it all comes down to mindset.
What were my ex-husband and I hoping to gain by sleeping together one last time? We weren’t looking to rekindle our relationship. We didn’t harbor any animosity towards one another; we were still somewhat friends. Yet, sleeping together felt so final, and I found myself wishing I hadn’t gone through with it.
The next few encounters felt forced and left me feeling nauseous, dirty, and annoyed. I regretted hurting both myself and my ex-husband. As he aptly put it, “It’s like riding a roller coaster for the last time as the theme park closes.” We had both been ready to move on for a while; we just needed that final push.
After our last encounter, I felt a strange sense of relief. While I regretted many aspects of that night, I was also grateful. Painful moments can be excellent teachers, especially when it comes to letting go.
There’s often a moment in a dying relationship when you realize it’s over, and it can be tough to accept. You may find yourself making regrettable choices as you navigate that transition. But trust me, once you recognize it’s time to move on, do yourself a favor and walk away. You’ll likely find more gratitude in the lessons learned than sorrow in what you left behind.
Having that awkward goodbye sex with my ex was a clear sign for me. Life is funny that way; you can’t rewind, but you can learn from your experiences and exit with grace.
For more insights, check out this other blog post about navigating post-breakup emotions. If you’re interested in starting a family, Make a Mom provides incredible resources for your journey, and ASRM is a fantastic guide for all things related to pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
In summary, sleeping with my ex-husband was a regrettable yet enlightening experience. While it brought up many painful emotions, it ultimately underscored the importance of understanding one’s intentions and readiness to move on. Painful moments can serve as valuable lessons, guiding us toward healthier decisions in the future.