I handle taxes, manage a mortgage, hold down a job, pay bills, clip coupons, and make doctor’s appointments. I even complain about current events and my aching back. I’ve got ibuprofen stashed in my purse, and by all appearances, I’m adulting like a pro.
Yet, I find myself waiting for that moment when I’ll finally feel like a grown-up.
I always believed there would be a magical age or milestone that would trigger this feeling of legitimacy. I anticipated it when I moved into my first apartment, when I bought my first car, and when I cast my vote for the first time. I thought I’d feel it when I reached drinking age (even if I might have taken a few steps back in maturity during that time). Each major life event—becoming a wife, becoming a mother, and owning a home—was supposed to be the moment I’d wake up feeling like I had it all figured out.
But here I am, still feeling like I’m wearing someone else’s shoes. I look like a grown-up and am knee-deep in adult responsibilities, particularly with four children depending on me. Yet, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not quite “real” like everyone else. I often fear that someone will point me out as an impostor.
There are moments when I truly feel my age—like when I converse with a college student who was born the year I graduated high school. That realization often leaves me feeling more washed up than grown-up.
Occasionally, I catch a glimpse of that elusive “real adult” feeling, especially after a long day of juggling responsibilities, but it’s always short-lived. Just when I think I’ve got it figured out, I find myself in a situation where everyone else my age seems to know exactly what to do while I’m left feeling like a novice.
Perhaps it’s because I’m a woman in my 30s who still sprints up the basement stairs when I turn off the light. Maybe it’s because I laugh too loudly at silly memes or practice twerking (badly) in the mirror when the bathroom door is closed. I might indulge in ice cream for breakfast after my kids head off to school. I picture other grown-ups sipping coffee, peering over their bifocals, and engaging in serious conversations, while I’m just trying to figure things out as they come.
Time is slipping by, and I know I’m not getting any younger. I’m making my way through life, but it feels more like a bumbling journey than the confident adulthood I always envisioned. I’m still waiting for someone to call my bluff and say they see through my façade, recognizing that I’m not as grown-up as I seem.
Maybe once the kids are raised, when I’ve embraced my gray hairs, or when I hear a little voice calling me “Grandma,” I’ll finally receive the validation I crave and feel that I’ve earned my place in the adult world. Or perhaps, like other milestones I thought would grant me credibility, those moments will come and go, leaving me endlessly wondering, if not now, when?
For more insights on navigating adulthood, check out our blog post on Cervical Insemination. And if you’re considering at-home insemination, visit Make A Mom for reputable kits. Additionally, Medical News Today offers excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, adulthood feels like a series of milestones that come with expectations of maturity, yet many of us still feel like impostors waiting for that definitive moment of validation.