It’s been quite a year. A lengthy period filled with uncertainty and constant change. The pandemic has undeniably affected our collective mental health, but I’m particularly worried about mothers grappling with longstanding perfectionism who feel completely out of control during these tumultuous times.
Perfectionism often stems from societal expectations, driven by the instinctual need to fit in and feel safe. From the days of early humans, our brains have evolved with a survival mindset, making us hyper-aware of our surroundings to avoid danger or exclusion. Over time, this has morphed into a heightened awareness of our own shortcomings and potential failures, a phenomenon known as catastrophizing, which many of us experience naturally.
Perfectionists excel at identifying their flaws, obsessing over what could go wrong, and applying immense pressure to meet unattainable standards, regardless of the circumstances. As women, especially mothers, we’ve been conditioned to believe that if we adhere to the rules, prioritize everyone else’s needs, and maintain a façade of perfection, we’ll be safe.
This pressure has transformed into a form of psychological torment during the pandemic. Why? Because the rules have changed. Our routines have been disrupted. Adapting to this new normal seems impossible without guidance, experience, and—let’s be honest—support.
Many mothers have taken on the weight of COVID-related burdens in their households, leaving them feeling inadequate and overwhelmed. How can we excel at working from home while managing kids who are in need of attention? How can we attend to our mental well-being when the activities that once helped us cope are no longer available? Instead, we’re busy ensuring that our children’s needs—emotional, physical, social, and spiritual—are met.
This loss of control often leads us back to unhealthy coping mechanisms. It’s no surprise that we’re witnessing an increase in alcohol consumption and heightened anxiety and depression among women.
I see you, mama, because I am you. I found myself drinking more, worrying excessively, and experiencing physical ailments I had never encountered before. Here are some strategies that have helped me and the incredible mothers I connect with daily:
- Acknowledge the Reality
Let’s say it together: THIS IS HARD. I’m doing the best I can. Every emotion I’m feeling during these unprecedented times is valid and part of the human experience. - Practice Deep Breathing
Take ten deep belly breaths. Inhale through your nose for five seconds, pause, then exhale slowly through your nose for five seconds or longer. This calms your nervous system and signals safety to your brain, releasing calming hormones. - Embrace Self-Compassion
Accept your inclination to seek perfection. Understand that you are simply trying to survive, and that’s okay. - Be Selective with Your Energy
Recognize that your energy is not limitless. Identify your core values and focus your efforts there. It’s impossible to excel at everything, especially now. Choose one or two areas to concentrate on and allow yourself to be average in others. Your “average” will still impress because your standards are already high. - Shift Your Perspective
Feel your emotions, accept the difficulty, and then choose to recognize what is enough in your life. This shift in focus can trigger a positive biochemical response in your body and brain, leading to a more uplifting outlook. Since our brains are wired to notice the negative, we must consciously redirect our attention to the positive repeatedly until it becomes more natural.
As a mother and a recovering perfectionist, I truly understand the struggle during these times. Perhaps this experience is a lesson from the universe, urging us to release unrealistic expectations and prioritize what genuinely matters to us. Remember, we cannot pour from an empty cup; we must care for ourselves before we can care for others.
You are important, mama. The pressure to be perfect is out. Embracing our imperfections is in. May these insights resonate with you in meaningful ways. For more on this topic, check out one of our other posts here.
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Summary:
The pressures of perfectionism have intensified for mothers during the pandemic, leading to mental health challenges and feelings of inadequacy. It’s crucial for moms to acknowledge their struggles, practice self-compassion, and focus their energy on what truly matters. By redefining success and embracing imperfections, mothers can find greater peace and fulfillment in their lives.