A few years ago, before I embraced my identity as a gay person at the age of 39, I found myself sitting outside on a relative’s patio during Thanksgiving, waiting for the turkey to be served. I was mostly quiet, just listening as one cousin brought up another cousin of ours who had come out as gay years earlier. That cousin was attending Thanksgiving with his boyfriend, whom certain family members insisted on referring to as his “friend.”
During the conversation, one cousin asked another if he would attend our gay cousin’s wedding, if it were to happen. The response was a scoffing “No,” accompanied by a derisive snort. When pressed for an explanation, he declared, “Because I believe that God made man and woman to be together, and homosexuality is a sin.”
As I listened, I felt a surge of heat rise in my chest. Did he realize he was speaking about me too? Would it even matter if I spoke up? I clenched my teeth, remaining silent. My other cousin continued to challenge him, questioning why it was his concern how others express love. She argued that there was nothing wrong with it and that his mindset was misguided.
Looking back, I deeply regret not speaking out. I wish I had voiced my feelings and walked away from that conversation. I know enough about his life to recognize the hypocrisy in his judgment. I sat there, boiling with anger, my heart racing and hands trembling, yet I said nothing.
At that time, no one knew I was gay. I should have defended my cousin; he shouldn’t have had to exist in an environment where his relationship was dismissed, and where everyone acted as if that was acceptable. This is far from normal, and I refuse to remain silent any longer. I am committed to teaching my children the same values.
The Dangers of Silence
Bigotry thrives in silence. Our quietness gives it permission to exist and demonstrates our complicity. In addressing racial equality, Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. expressed his frustration with the complacency of those who prioritize comfort over justice. He wrote in his Letter from a Birmingham Jail that the greatest obstacle to progress is not the most extreme opponents but those who prefer a false peace without tension over a true peace that champions justice.
Dr. King’s message resonates across all marginalized groups. When individuals who profess to care remain silent, they permit bigotry and injustice to persist. We cannot stay silent for the sake of so-called peace. The only peace we achieve is for ourselves, while marginalized individuals continue to face emotional and physical harm.
We must raise our voices, and we must instill this belief in our children. I’m teaching my son to speak out when he hears men discussing women inappropriately. This expectation must be universal among all parents. It is not enough for only a few voices to be raised; our collective standards must be elevated.
Recently, a TikTok clip featuring comedian Daniel Sloss went viral. In his HBO special, he candidly discusses the reality of monsters disguised as friends, urging individuals to recognize their responsibility. He challenges the idea that if one person isn’t part of the problem, they must be part of the solution. This “moderate” stance fosters a negative peace that benefits only certain groups while ignoring the marginalized.
In his reflection, Sloss acknowledges his guilt for not speaking up when he should have. His inaction contributed to a friend’s suffering.
Regardless of your community, if you observe harmful behaviors and remain silent, you are not innocent. Whether you are a Christian witnessing fellow Christians using scripture to justify homophobia, a law enforcement officer observing racism, or anyone else in a position to speak out, silence is complicity.
Allyship must extend beyond personal interactions to systemic change. It’s crucial to advocate for representatives who recognize and address systems of oppression. Engage with your community by voting, campaigning, and reaching out to local leaders. Let your children see you take these actions. Share your advocacy efforts with them; whether it’s reading your emails aloud or letting them overhear your calls, make it a part of their education.
We need to speak out and teach our children to do the same. If we aspire to create a safer and more equitable world for future generations, we cannot prioritize our comfort at the expense of others. We must act both individually and systematically or we risk complicity.
Summary
In a world where silence can enable bigotry and injustice, it is essential to raise our voices and teach our children to do the same. Reflecting on personal experiences and societal issues, we learn that inaction is complicity. We must advocate for marginalized individuals and push for systemic change, ensuring our efforts are visible to the next generation. By doing so, we contribute to a future that values equity and justice for all.
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