By: Emily Carter
Updated: Feb. 7, 2016
Originally Published: Jan. 8, 2011
Scene: The Dinner Table
Daughter: “How do you know when you should marry someone?”
Son: “When you meet the right person, a spark happens. You’ve got to nurture that spark until it becomes a flame and eventually a bonfire in your marriage. And the wick size matters too. A small wick means the spark will go out. Daddy’s wick is super big, and that keeps Mommy happy.”
Isn’t he only 10?
All jokes about wicks aside (and believe me, there are plenty to be had), this conversation took place after we shared our engagement story with the kids at the dinner table. They were captivated by how their dad picked out my ring, how he planned the proposal, and how I said yes.
It hit me then that our children perceive “us” in a completely different light than I do. Their understanding of us is shaped solely by the present day (you know, the mom they see driving them everywhere and the dad who funds those adventures). They have no clue about us “P.C.”: Pre-Children. The fact that my son recently asked if a Beach Boys song was something I jammed to in college makes it clear—they really don’t know me at all (no shade to my fellow “I Listened to the Beach Boys in College” fans).
There’s a whole lot they don’t know about the P.C. “us.”
They don’t know that during our first date in 1995, I stood by the ocean looking into his deep blue eyes and felt sparks fly. In that moment, I realized that my rocky past had led me to the man I’d spend my life with.
They have no idea their dad took me out for my 21st birthday celebration because my friends couldn’t (let’s be honest: they were there too, just, uh, not, how should I say this? Legally…). The thought that their father often had to coax their mother off the barstool so we could head home would blow their minds (let’s keep that between us, okay?). And please, we really don’t need to discuss the wild housewarming party I threw at our first apartment…
They weren’t there when I walked down the aisle, and their dad’s eyes filled with tears as he managed to whisper, “You’re beautiful.” I can just imagine their amusement at the fact that we giggled during the “for richer or poorer” part of our vows because, on that day, we had a whopping $23 in savings (True story. Our wedding gifts were a lifesaver).
They have no clue that we spent countless hours sanding, painting, wallpaper stripping, hammering, and sweating together to make our first home perfect—a house bought with every penny we saved from our wedding. My kids don’t realize I can wield a pneumatic nail gun like a pro and that my spackling skills are on point.
And they certainly missed the sheer joy and disbelief on our faces when that little stick showed two pink lines. That stick marked the transition from just “us” to a hectic, chaotic, all-consuming “we.”
Oh, the things they don’t know about the P.C. us.
We visited Disney World THREE times before kids. We drove two-door cars with not a single French fry in sight. Friends called us by our first names every weekend without fail. So many little details about who we were back then will forever remain a mystery to them.
In this modern parenting era, our kids often define us. We, as couples and individuals, are shaped by our children’s activities, achievements, and lives. It’s so easy to forget who we were P.C. It’s easy to forget the nights spent dancing on bars or the spontaneous road trips taken with friends at midnight. It’s easy to forget that WE WERE HERE FIRST.
While I don’t need my kids to know every single wild story from my past (God forbid they hear them all…), I do make an effort to share snippets from that time so they can grasp who their mom is and how I became the domestic goddess I am today.
In those hectic days of parenting, when yesterday feels just like today, looking into those same blue eyes across our dinner table reminds me of who I used to be and still am at heart.
If you’re interested in more about the journey of parenthood, check out this resource on infertility, or visit here for insights on home insemination. Plus, Make a Mom offers a great guide on at-home insemination kits.