When my child shared his anxiety about starting first grade, I found myself slipping into a reflexive response, drawing on my own past experiences. I, too, am the child of immigrants. A few years ago, I moved from my homeland to North America with my partner. Although we communicate in English at home, my son, Alex, is quite proficient in reading and writing it. Unlike my own childhood, he’s familiar with the school environment; he’s spent countless hours exploring the schoolyard during visits arranged by his senior kindergarten teacher, and he has played there since he was a toddler. Having attended preschool in the same building, he recognizes some of his teachers and knows all the little nooks and crannies.
As I reflected on my own journey, I realized I often struggle to connect with my son. Factors like gender and cultural background can sometimes create barriers between us. In that moment, I missed a chance to foster a deeper connection through active listening. Instead of making this about his feelings, I let my own memories overshadow our conversation. What I really needed to do was allow him to express his feelings without trying to solve his fears right away.
Tomorrow, when Alex wakes up, I won’t be flawless. I’ll likely overlook some subtle cues again. However, we’ll revisit the topic of first grade, and I plan to ask him that common question kids love to pose: “Why?”—but this time, I’ll focus on truly listening.
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In Summary
While it’s natural to project our experiences onto our children, it’s essential to prioritize their feelings and anxieties. By listening and supporting them, we can build stronger connections and help them navigate their fears with confidence.
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