About nine months into solo parenting during a pandemic, I discovered an online fiction writing course that piqued my interest. The description warned that the course would require a significant time commitment, and the application process was equally demanding. With COVID cases on the rise in my area and the relentless cold weather, I made the almost impulsive decision to apply. A week later, I was thrilled to find out I’d been accepted.
True to its word, the class was challenging and required several hours each week for assignments and readings. However, it also provided a refreshing break after months of solo parenting amid a pandemic. The instructor and fellow students were inspiring, the material was engaging, and for the first time in a long while, I felt driven to follow a dream.
Time is a precious commodity. Even before the pandemic turned life upside down, I struggled to manage a never-ending to-do list. As a solo parent, my days were packed from dawn till dusk. To create space for this course, I had to cut back in some areas — sorry, sleep — and even reduced some quality time with my kids. This was different from the moments spent helping with homework, mediating conflicts, or reading bedtime stories.
On that first night of class, headphones on and immersed in a virtual setting, I had to tell my kids I couldn’t join them for our binge-watching session on Netflix. Guilt washed over me. As their only parent, I felt torn; I had been busy all day juggling work, encouraging schoolwork, and handling the logistics of our lives. It felt like I was prioritizing myself over them, which was a painful realization.
But then, to my surprise, they wished me a good class and dove into their own world of Roblox. It struck me: yes, I was choosing my dream over them, which could be seen as selfish. But it was so much more than that. By making this choice, I was demonstrating what it means to pursue dreams and ambitions. I was showing them that even adults have goals and aspirations worth striving for.
In prioritizing myself, I was also teaching them to support each other’s goals, just as I support theirs. Family dynamics are about mutual support, and this was an opportunity to model that for them.
I often grapple with the notion of selfishness. As a solo parent, I sometimes feel that my desires should take a backseat to my children’s needs. After losing their father, I’ve held them through their heartbreak, wishing I could shield them from pain. The idea of making a decision that could detract from their time with me feels against every instinct I possess.
However, they need to witness me being “selfish” in this small way. This type of selfishness isn’t a negative trait. Those extra hours I spent in class made me feel more visible during the pandemic, reigniting my sense of hope for the future. The course was a lifeline back to myself. Now, weeks after it ended, I feel energized and more present with my kids than I have in months.
For them, seeing me dedicate time to my goals may inspire them to chase their own dreams, validating their desires and showing them that family support is reciprocal.
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