As much as you may roll your eyes at a relative’s repeated adage about assumptions making “an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me,’” there’s a significant truth to that statement—especially regarding assumptions about our children’s sexuality.
Assuming your child is straight can inflict more harm than just embarrassment. It can create barriers in communication, and if your child identifies as anything other than straight, it could lead to feelings of hurt and distrust. Heteronormativity refers to the societal belief that being cisgender and straight is the norm, making anything outside of these identities seem abnormal. When you assume your child will be straight, you’re engaging in this heteronormative mindset.
Manifestations of Heteronormativity in Parenting
In parenting, heteronormativity can manifest in seemingly innocent yet potentially damaging ways. For instance, referring to your son’s “future girlfriend” or discussing how your daughter should find a “good man” can alienate kids who are exploring or already know their non-heterosexual identity. For a child who is questioning their sexuality, these casual comments can foster feelings of discomfort and anxiety.
Moreover, parental assumptions can be harmful in more overt ways, such as joking comments like “That boy’s going to be a heartbreaker!” or “Better keep an eye on her until she’s 30!” These statements not only imply heterosexuality but also perpetuate unhealthy views about relationships, suggesting that they’re fraught with pain and that autonomy should not be afforded to girls.
The Absurdity of Assumptions
A recent TikTok trend highlighted the absurdity of assuming a baby’s sexuality. One mother humorously declared, “My baby is gay!” This satire aimed to underline the silliness of making assumptions about a child’s future identity. However, many missed the point, showcasing how ingrained the notion of assumed straightness is in our society.
The Emotional Landscape of Queer Children
Consider the emotional landscape of two children aware of their queerness but raised in different households. In one home, parents may express that they’d be “okay” if their child turned out to be gay but seldom vocalize this support. In another home, parents actively celebrate queer identities and express unconditional love regardless of their child’s sexuality. The first child might feel anxious about coming out, while the second could share their feelings without fear.
A well-known parenting blogger recently expressed that while she would love her child no matter their orientation, her beliefs would compel her to inform them of “truths” related to their sexuality. Such a stance can create an atmosphere of distrust, making it difficult for children to confide in their parents about their identities.
Envisioning a Supportive Future
Imagine a world where children don’t have to come out at all. In this ideal scenario, acceptance is the norm, and discussions about sexuality are open and affirming. A recent Gallup poll indicated that 4.5% of the U.S. population identifies as LGBTQ+, with that number nearly doubling among millennials. This shift reflects a growing societal acceptance, allowing more individuals to express their true selves without fear.
Creating a Safe Environment
To cultivate an environment where children feel safe to express their identities, parents should avoid heteronormative assumptions. Doing so not only creates a supportive space for discussions about sexuality but also encourages open communication regarding all aspects of their lives. Remember, it’s vital not to assume your child is straight; such assumptions can lead to unnecessary anxiety and hinder their ability to share their authentic selves with you. Ensure they know they will be celebrated for who they are, not just tolerated.
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In summary, understanding and avoiding assumptions about your child’s sexuality can foster an open, supportive relationship. It is essential for parents to celebrate their children’s identities and ensure they feel accepted and safe.