After years of blogging about parenting, I’ve gained a substantial following online. One of the most frequent messages I receive from moms revolves around how to encourage their partners to take on more household responsibilities. These mothers are eager for their husbands to be more involved and to stop viewing chores like washing dishes or putting the kids to bed as some grand act of kindness toward them. Sadly, what’s even more telling is that throughout my time writing about fatherhood, I’ve never once heard from a father asking how to be more engaged.
While this may be a small sample size, I have over 500,000 followers across various platforms. I’ve contributed to well-known publications such as The New York Times and The Washington Post, and I’ve authored four books on parenting. This leads me to believe that my observations reflect the experiences of many mothers today. The absence of fathers reaching out for guidance on this topic suggests that we may not be as egalitarian as we think. Instead, household chores and child-rearing are still predominantly viewed as women’s responsibilities, leaving many fathers blissfully unaware of the need for balance.
This issue was highlighted in a recent New York Times piece titled “Three American Mothers on the Brink,” which featured mothers struggling to manage work and family in these extraordinary times. One mother, Maria Sanchez, expressed her frustration: “[H]e can shut himself in his office all day while I’m expected to keep our daughter entertained and prepare meals for everyone.” She poignantly asked, “Why can’t he do it? Why am I the one expected to handle it all?”
Perhaps some men recognize the imbalance but hesitate to address it, fearing it may lead to the expectation of increased effort on their part. Each time I receive a message from a mother seeking advice on how to motivate her husband, I can’t help but think: “This shouldn’t be your burden to bear. It’s his responsibility too.”
Many men still operate under the misconception that completing chores is merely “helping out,” failing to recognize that contributing to the upkeep of your own home and the care of your children is simply part of the role. While I believe couples should express gratitude for each other’s efforts—a vital aspect of any marriage—the core issue lies in a need for a mindset shift. If you view basic parenting tasks, like watching your children or preparing meals, as favors deserving recognition, it’s time to rethink your perspective.
Gentlemen, it’s crucial to understand that you’re part of a team. Raising a family and maintaining a household is a shared responsibility, encompassing everything from cooking and cleaning to budgeting and income generation. Each aspect of this partnership requires fair division of labor. It’s not about “his job” or “her job” but rather “our job.” This is the reality we face, especially now when many families are navigating work-from-home scenarios alongside online schooling.
The aim should be fairness and equality, recognizing that outdated notions about gender roles in domestic life no longer apply. We have an opportunity for a fresh start, so let’s embrace it and commit to contributing equally. It’s time to step up, dads.
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Summary:
This article highlights the ongoing imbalance in household responsibilities between mothers and fathers, emphasizing the need for fathers to engage more actively in parenting and domestic duties. Many mothers express frustration over their partners’ lack of involvement, while fathers often remain unaware of the expectations placed upon them. The article urges a shift in mindset, advocating for a shared responsibility in family life to foster equality and fairness.