Just as my daughter transitioned from 12 to 13, a bold sign appeared on her bedroom door: “PRIVATE. DO NOT ENTER!!!!!” Adorned with fruity-scented markers and cheerful daisy stickers, the multiple exclamation points left no doubt about her intentions.
Throughout her seventh-grade year, her signs evolved, reflecting her growing sense of humor and fandom. One particularly clever sign read, “Enter at your own risk: Guarded by Daleks,” a nod to her love for Dr. Who. Another displayed a comic list of Edward Gorey-style punishments for any intruder daring to cross the threshold.
While she never voiced any complaints about my occasional unannounced entries, the signs signified that she was in the midst of growing up and deserved her space. Her room had transformed from simply being my daughter’s space into a Room of Her Own, Junior Edition.
Initially, I felt a pang of sadness, realizing I was being gently nudged out of the paradise of my daughter’s childhood. However, I quickly reminded myself that it’s crucial for my daughters to carve out their own spaces. We are incredibly fortunate to share our lives while also having the solitude we sometimes crave. After all, good fences make good neighbors, and a few closed doors can enhance our family harmony.
This wasn’t my first experience with this phase; my older daughter had started the same trend two and a half years earlier, closing her door each night. At times, I found myself knocking for what felt like an eternity, losing patience and pounding in frustration when she didn’t respond. It was particularly irksome that she still relied on me for so much while simultaneously locking me out.
I often wondered aloud, “How can you both lock me out and still need me to do so much for you?” Deep down, I longed to ask, “Why wouldn’t you want me with you?”
With my second daughter, however, the locked doors and creatively punctuated signs have become far easier to accept and respect. Having witnessed the awkwardness of adolescence with my first daughter, now approaching 17, I’ve learned to navigate these teenage waters with more grace. She no longer finds me embarrassing and is, in fact, polite and kind, allowing me to handle her need for space without feeling hurt.
My second daughter is a budding writer, much like myself. She often disappears into her room for hours, crafting elaborate fantasy stories featuring characters like a blue-haired alien version of Cinderella. Her creativity flows as she writes song lyrics inspired by heartbreaks she hasn’t yet experienced and penning endless poems.
So when she retreats to her room, I understand that she isn’t just seeking to escape me; she’s trying to connect with herself. Like Virginia Woolf, who emphasized the importance of a woman’s own space for creativity, my daughter recognizes the value of having a sanctuary where her imagination can flourish.
I can relate, as I, too, often spend entire days searching for a quiet spot to write—away from chores and work emails. The house belongs to my husband and me, which I am grateful for, yet there are days I yearn for a dedicated writing room. If I had that space, I would surely hang a sign declaring, “KEEP OUT! WRITER AT WORK!!!!!!!!!”—no daisy stickers involved.
As I navigate my role as the mother of teenagers, I find myself intervening less and learning when to enforce household rules, such as cleaning up after dinner or completing homework before indulging in their favorite shows.
In just two years, my first child will graduate high school, and in five years, my youngest will be 19. Soon, they will venture into the world, seeking their own rooms and establishing how they wish to inhabit them. The signs will come down as they gain confidence in their identities.
Without daughters to care for, wake in the mornings, or remind to fold their laundry, I will finally have ample time to write. And though I will miss those colorful signs on their doors, I cherish the growth we all experience.
For more thoughts on parenting and creativity, check out this insightful article on home insemination. If you’re considering starting a family, make sure to explore reputable options for at-home insemination kits. And for those interested in pregnancy resources, the NHS offers great information to assist you on your journey.
Summary
As daughters transition into their teenage years, the need for personal space becomes essential for their growth and independence. While it may be bittersweet for parents, recognizing the importance of solitude in fostering creativity and self-discovery is vital. As children move towards independence, parents can reflect on their own journeys and the joys of writing and creation that await them.
Leave a Reply