By: Jamie Thompson
Updated: Aug. 3, 2016
Originally Published: Aug. 16, 2015
My lifelong obsession with Madonna started early and hit me hard. Like many fans, my first dance performance was to “Lucky Star,” and despite what critics said, my unwavering love for her has endured through the years. Her album Rebel Heart is a masterpiece, and the latest hints about her upcoming tour have me spiraling. With ticket prices nearing $1,000 a seat, I’m left wondering how to make this dream a reality. I mean, pole-dancing nuns? That’s got to be for “Holy Water.” I simply must be there.
As a stay-at-home mom to a toddler, our budget doesn’t include a line for Madonna tickets. I know, it was poor planning on my part. How did I not set up an emergency Madonna fund before diving into motherhood? What would Madonna do?
I brainstormed various ways to finance some decent, lower-seating tickets with a souvenir (because if I’m going, I want a commemorative T-shirt):
- Maybe I should try elimination communication? If I stopped using diapers, I could save around $45 a box. But that would mean constant vigilance on poop patrol, which could hinder my work-at-home mom gigs I found on Pinterest.
- I signed up for online surveys with Swagbucks, only to discover that the payouts come in Starbucks gift cards. I’m pretty sure Madonna won’t perform for a lifetime supply of coffee.
- I could sell unused items on eBay—roller skates, a wet suit, and those Louboutin pumps gathering dust. But realistically, I’d be lucky to make $6 after shipping costs and potential arguments about the authenticity of my scuffed red soles.
- There’s always GoFundMe or Kickstarter. Do people actually donate to self-indulgent causes? Would my friends and family think I was joking when they didn’t even invite Madonna to my baby shower? Yes, she was on my must-invite list.
- Perhaps auctioning off my out-of-print copy of Sex would rake in some cash, but what true Madonna fan would part with that gem? It’s so bad, it’s good.
- Honestly, selling a kidney seems like my only viable option.
Reflecting on my journey with Madonna brings a wave of nostalgia. I remember sitting at home while friends donned white lace and crosses for the Like a Virgin Tour, feeling a pang of envy. When HBO aired the Blonde Ambition Tour and The Girlie Show Tour, I caught glimpses of the magic I missed. My fate seemed sealed to watching her concerts on TV, but I remained loyal, glued to MTV as they covered her first pregnancy—creepy in retrospect, but riveting at the time.
The Drowned World and Re-Invention tours passed me by, making it painfully clear that attending a Madonna concert was a distant dream. Just when I had resigned myself to that reality, a friend surprised me with tickets to the Confessions Tour friends and family performance. I cried tears of joy, finally witnessing her talent up close. The energy was euphoric, and I vowed never to miss a Madonna show again. My luck had turned, and I was no longer a Madonna virgin.
When Hard Candy dropped, I jetted off to Vegas with my best friend to experience Madonna’s brilliance. I returned home with a Sticky & Sweet Tour jacket, even though it chipped and shattered. While MDNA wasn’t my favorite album, I waited until 10:30 p.m. while eight months pregnant to see her perform, with no regrets—swollen ankles be damned.
Now, knowing my Madonna history, you can empathize with my heartbreak over potentially missing what promises to be her most epic concert yet. Selling organs is illegal in the U.S., and even if I could, I wouldn’t part with my kidney, especially with so many people in need. Like Madonna, I’m a mom first.
Madonna has always pushed boundaries, sparking thought and social change, while encouraging us to “get into the groove.” So, while I may be sitting this one out, my love for the Queen will never fade. I’ve come to terms with my ticket woes, but I might still find myself seeking a scalper come October.
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Summary:
In this heartfelt reflection, I share my unwavering love for Madonna and the humorous lengths I’ve considered to secure concert tickets. From selling personal items to contemplating kidney sales, my journey captures the essence of devotion to an iconic artist, all while balancing motherhood and budget constraints.
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