Parenting
Avoid Being Your Child’s Negative Inner Voice
by Lila Johnson
Updated: Jan. 23, 2021
Originally Published: Jan. 23, 2021
In our household, we prioritize honesty and direct communication with our children. We address their actions when they hurt others or point out when a different choice could have been made. However, we do not engage in belittling them. We refrain from making criticisms that might diminish their self-worth or leave lasting scars into adulthood. Over the years, I’ve come to understand that our words wield significant power over our children’s development. How we praise, correct, and communicate with them is crucial. The way we deliver our messages makes all the difference.
We shouldn’t be the pessimistic voice echoing in our children’s minds as they grow older, fueling that cycle of negative self-talk. We all have experienced it, haven’t we? That inner dialogue rooted in childhood, echoing things said by our parents or caregivers. It could be a single hurtful remark—like “Your outfit looks terrible,” “You’re selfish,” or “You can’t wear that because you’re too heavy.” Ultimately, our foremost duty as parents is to ensure our children feel safe, and that includes being mindful of our language.
We can also learn from one another, even within the same family unit. There are days when I feel overwhelmed—especially as the primary caregiver juggling cooking, remote learning, and after-school activities—and I may lose my cool. My words can sometimes stray into insensitivity, and I realize that once they’re out, I can’t take them back. On the other hand, when I observe my partner calmly navigating a situation with our daughters, I gain valuable insights into effective parenting techniques.
The words that come from my partner, while not perfect, usually convey a positive frame. For instance, when addressing our particularly sensitive daughter, Mia, she might say, “Mia, your curls are stunning just the way they are. Nobody’s hair is flawless all the time.”
It pains us as parents when we see our children engage in negative self-talk. If they fail to achieve something they aimed for, they might express thoughts such as “What I did was dumb,” “Nobody likes me at school,” or “I’ll never be able to do that.” We need to help them cultivate the skills to transform these negative thoughts into positive affirmations.
It begins with us. We are the captains of our parenting journey, guiding it in a positive direction. Striking a balance between excessive praise and constructive criticism is essential. Once we adjust our own self-talk, it becomes easier to discern when to offer praise and when to reframe situations for our kids. We recognize that parenting is largely trial and error, and while there are self-help books available and therapists to consult, navigating the day-to-day emotional landscape of our unique family dynamics rests on our shoulders.
Thus, let’s take responsibility, step up, and uplift our children with affirmative language and reactions.
Ultimately, what we say to ourselves also holds importance. The negative self-talk that can impede our emotional growth mirrors the words we might unintentionally direct toward our kids. By altering the internal dialogue we maintain, we may also change how we communicate with them. For more insights on fostering a positive mindset, check out this related blog post.
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Summary:
Effective parenting involves utilizing positive language and constructive feedback to foster self-esteem and resilience in children. As parents, we must be mindful of our words, understanding their profound impact on our children’s self-perception. By cultivating a positive internal dialogue for ourselves, we can better support our children in developing a healthy self-image.