It was a chilly yet bright Wednesday afternoon as my 12-year-old son sat in the passenger seat while we drove home from picking up some new library books. We were singing along to the radio and chatting when unexpectedly, he asked, “Mom, do girls really like to be choked during sex?”
Somehow, I managed to keep the car steady and maintain a calm demeanor as I replied, “That’s an intriguing question, thank you for bringing it up.” After having a mini internal freak-out and saying a few quick prayers, I took a deep breath and followed up with, “Where did you hear that?”
“Nick said it in the locker room before practice last night.”
It wasn’t unusual for my son to share the bizarre things he heard at school or online. We often turned these discussions into a game we call “fact-checking your friends.” Our kids frequently seek out our perspective on the odd claims their peers make, and we usually get a laugh from the absurdity of it all.
If my son believed even half of what his friends told him, he’d think that his penis would stop growing at thirteen or that getting kicked in the groin was ten times worse than childbirth. Who knows how long he’s been wandering around, thinking that every girl he sees is into erotic choking.
While I was taken aback by such a specific and mature question, I was relieved he felt comfortable enough to ask me instead of just Googling it. A quick search would have led him to articles like those from Men’s Health on how to incorporate choking into sex or Glamour discussing a woman’s experience with “submission choking.”
When faced with the choice of letting his friends provide his sex education or having him search online for answers, I much preferred his direct inquiry during our drive.
I’ve always believed that honesty, tailored to their age, is key in discussions with our children. We’ve never used euphemisms for body parts or propagated myths about where babies come from. We give it straight.
Since I wasn’t well-versed in this topic, I admitted to my son that I needed to do some research before discussing it further. He was understanding and agreed to wait.
There have been numerous occasions when our kids have surprised us with questions we weren’t fully prepared to answer. We always strive to avoid dismissive or judgmental responses because of the sensitivity surrounding these topics. I’ve seen firsthand the confusion that can arise from misinformation circulated among peers.
It’s essential to recognize that kids talk, and whatever I tell my son could influence his friends as well. This awareness keeps me honest and demonstrates to my children that I take their inquiries about sexuality and development seriously. After some research, I learned more about choking and erotic asphyxiation. I also confirmed it’s not something universally desired by all women, and believing so is dangerously mistaken.
Now, let’s distinguish choking from erotic asphyxiation. I consider myself open-minded and a bit adventurous, so I’m not here to shame anyone who enjoys a little pressure around the neck during intimate moments. However, I can’t endorse erotic asphyxiation or any of its variations.
Erotic asphyxiation involves deliberately restricting oxygen to enhance sexual pleasure and is often referred to as breath play. Despite the euphemistic terms, it carries serious risks. Autoerotic asphyxiation refers to the practice of cutting off one’s own oxygen supply to heighten pleasure during masturbation. It can lead to dangerous consequences like brain damage, heart attacks, or even death if not done with extreme caution.
There’s a thin line between consensual breath play and potentially fatal outcomes. The fact that a twelve-year-old is discussing choking in a casual manner is alarming.
Are choking, erotic asphyxiation, and breath play synonymous? My thoughts have been tangled ever since my son posed that question. A hand around the neck can be a sign of dominance or control in certain scenarios, which some find thrilling. But for adolescents, the nuances of such experiences can be overwhelming and potentially hazardous.
Kids need to be educated about the risks associated with choking, both in sexual contexts and during solo activities. It’s crucial for parents to have conversations about the dangers of erotic asphyxiation, especially considering that up to 1,000 people die from it annually in the U.S. alone. Many cases go unreported or are misclassified, making the statistics even more alarming.
While my son heard that girls enjoy choking, the reality is much more complex. A 2006 study indicated that up to 31% of male adolescent hanging deaths may be linked to autoerotic activities. The idea that choking could enhance sexual experiences is not only misleading but also deeply concerning.
How do we explain this to a curious 12-year-old? We approach it with honesty but ensure there’s an established foundation of trust and communication regarding sexual development.
As parents, we can’t halt the flow of puberty or the spread of misinformation among peers, but we can provide accurate information and foster open dialogue. We made sure to educate our son on the reality of choking and its dangerous implications.
The next day, my husband and I sat down with our son to discuss what we had learned. We clarified that some media portrayals of sexuality may not reflect reality and that consent and communication are vital. We shared real-life stories about choking incidents that ended tragically, ensuring he understood the seriousness of the subject without instilling fear.
Did we handle the situation appropriately? I’m still uncertain. We kept the lines of communication open, which is what I hope for as a parent.
As a mother and a writer focused on sex positivity, this topic is unsettling. The prevalence of fatalities associated with erotic asphyxiation is shocking, and it’s equally disturbing that a child felt comfortable discussing such an adult topic in casual conversation.
In addition to addressing our son, we reached out to his coach and the parents of the boy who initially shared this misinformation.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it’s essential for parents to engage in meaningful discussions with their children about sexuality, especially in today’s digital age. We must ensure our kids are informed and protected from dangerous myths and activities.
Search Queries:
- What is erotic asphyxiation?
- Risks of choking during sex.
- How to have open conversations about sex with kids?
- What is breath play?
- Dangers of autoerotic asphyxiation.
Summary:
A mother recounts a surprising conversation with her 12-year-old son who asked if girls enjoy choking during sex, leading to important discussions about sexuality, consent, and the risks associated with erotic asphyxiation. Through honest communication, she aims to provide accurate information and establish a trusting dialogue about sensitive topics, emphasizing the need for parental guidance in educating children amidst the misinformation prevalent among peers.