I recently shared a post on my blog detailing the overwhelming anxiety I felt throughout Christmas Day. There wasn’t a specific trigger; I simply woke up anxious, and that tension lingered as I watched my wife and kids unwrap their presents, laughing and enjoying what should have been one of the happiest days of the year.
To be honest, I sensed this anxiety creeping up on me. The month prior had been a whirlwind as my wife was hospitalized, leaving me little time to process my feelings. I hoped to manage my anxiety either before or after the holiday, but it hit me right in the middle of it all.
In an effort to keep the festive spirit alive for my family, I plastered on a smile. I didn’t want to draw attention to my struggles, so I unwrapped gifts and behaved normally, all while feeling disconnected and overwhelmed inside.
It turns out that many people experience heightened anxiety during the holiday season. After sharing my experience, I received numerous messages, but one stood out in particular. It was from a mother who expressed gratitude for my post. She shared that it helped her understand her daughter’s anxiety, leading them to establish a “safe” word that the daughter can text her mother when she needs a break from a situation.
As someone who has battled anxiety for years, I found myself questioning why I had never considered this approach. While many parents encourage their teens to send a simple “X” if they need an escape from social situations, I had never thought to apply this technique for my own anxiety.
For much of my life, I’ve tried to push through my anxiety, maintaining a facade of happiness even when I’m not okay. I often feel pressure to conform socially, opting for vague explanations like “I’m tired” or “I have a lot on my mind,” rather than admitting the truth about my anxiety, which can be difficult to articulate and often invites judgment. Especially during festive occasions, it can feel awkward for someone to question, “Why would you be anxious on Christmas?”
Having a designated safe word—something simple I could text my wife—would allow me to excuse myself from a gathering without creating confusion or awkwardness. It would empower me to utilize the mental health strategies I’ve learned over the years.
This concept is not limited to social gatherings. Although current COVID restrictions may limit such situations, opportunities for social interactions will arise again.
If you have a family member dealing with anxiety, I highly recommend setting up a similar system. It could provide them with the necessary support to step away when feeling overwhelmed, allowing them to reset and return with a clearer mindset. Most importantly, this gesture demonstrates your understanding of their mental health challenges and your commitment to being there for them—no questions asked. As someone who has lived with mental health issues, I can attest that this is one of the most meaningful gifts you can offer.
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Summary:
Establishing a “safe word” can be a simple yet effective strategy for family members dealing with anxiety, particularly during stressful situations like holidays. This method allows individuals to excuse themselves without drawing attention to their struggles, offering a sense of control and understanding. It shows support and acknowledges the challenges they face, creating a more compassionate environment for mental health.
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