In today’s parenting landscape, it’s all too common for us to shield our children from failure. Yet, as educator and author Mia Thompson reveals in her insightful book, The Gift of Failure, this instinct may actually hinder their growth. After years of teaching and parenting, Mia had a revelation: despite our best intentions, we’ve raised a generation that fears failure, ultimately obstructing their journey to success.
Our role as parents is to cultivate competence, independence, and intrinsic motivation in our children. However, it became evident to Mia that we often do the opposite. We tend to create environments of dependency, smoothing over obstacles instead of allowing our children to navigate their own challenges. While it feels rewarding to care for our kids, we may be doing them a disservice by preventing them from learning how to stand on their own two feet.
Personal Experience with Failure
Take, for instance, my own experience with my son, who struggled with organization during his middle and high school years. In an attempt to help, I put a large dry-erase board above his desk for him to track assignments. My well-meaning intention was to keep him accountable, but I ended up reminding him constantly, which allowed him to dodge full responsibility. When he reached college, my absence of reminders led to missed deadlines and mistakes. Deep down, I knew that the whiteboard was meant to foster independence, but my parental instincts held me back from stepping back and letting him learn through his own mistakes.
Recognizing this pattern, Mia and her husband made a conscious choice to stop rescuing their kids from their errors. They began assigning age-appropriate responsibilities both at home and in school, understanding that forsaking the short-term comfort of “fixing” things for their children would lead to long-term benefits like competence and a love for learning.
A Challenging Moment
An illustrative moment came when Mia’s younger son accidentally left an important homework assignment at home. Given that she was going to be at his school later that day, it would’ve been simple to drop off the assignment. However, she decided against it. Sharing her struggle on social media, she admitted that this new approach to parenting was challenging, even “KILLING ME.”
One follower challenged her decision, questioning whether she was being too harsh on her son. After all, she reasoned, it was just a simple mistake, and wouldn’t it be better to help him out? Mia’s thoughtful response reminded her friend that while helping a partner or friend is beneficial, doing the same for our children sends a message that they are incapable. This dependency can inhibit their growth and learning.
I found myself empathizing with that questioning mother, having been there myself. I used to drop off forgotten gym clothes and homework assignments, believing I was being a good parent. But now, I see that Mia’s insights are shifting my perspective. Even as my children inch toward independence, I recognize that I have been unintentionally preventing them from experiencing failure.
The Bigger Picture
Mia’s book serves as a profound reminder for parents: our mission extends beyond ensuring our children’s happiness today; it’s about nurturing capable adults who can thrive independently.
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Conclusion
In summary, while our instinct may lead us to protect our children from failures, it is essential that we allow them to learn from their mistakes. This process is crucial for developing resilience and independence, enabling them to navigate the challenges of adulthood successfully.
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