I have a friend, unmasked, whom I trust completely. I’m aware of his routines and the places he visits. He’s one of the few people I can rely on, so I don’t socialize with anyone else. We’ve distanced ourselves from some family members while maintaining contact with those we consider trustworthy. Ultimately, it boils down to one critical question: who would potentially misrepresent their actions during the pandemic?
We severed ties with a family member after she revealed inconsistent stories about her outings. Initially, she mentioned seeing a house with a friend, which later morphed into riding in a masked car together, then having drinks outside at a restaurant. We discovered she had posted on Facebook about brunch with that same friend. We told her we couldn’t trust her and requested she quarantine before seeing us again.
Despite our attempts to communicate our concerns, she insisted, “Oh, I haven’t been anywhere,” shortly after returning from a trip. We were all aware that this was untrue. When we explained that our safety measures were for her benefit, she dismissed our worries, saying, “I’m not going to get it.” Really? Is that how viruses work—just wishful thinking?
Why We Choose Our Connections Wisely
Our social circle has drastically shrunk. The only person I’ve been seeing is my friend Jake, who would never mislead me about anything, especially during these uncertain times. Our friendship has weathered countless storms, from the loss of loved ones to ridiculous college antics. I know him well enough to trust him completely.
There are other cherished friends I don’t see because their honesty about their social interactions doesn’t align with my comfort level. One friend works on a college campus, while another engages in political activities, both of which expose them to higher risks. They’ve been upfront about their choices, allowing me to make informed decisions regarding my own safety.
We still connect with my husband’s family, who have adhered to strict isolation since the onset of the pandemic. They even went months without seeing their grandchildren when the situation was less understood, knowing the risks involved for their age group. They’ve earned our trust, which allowed us to gather over the summer after everyone quarantined for two weeks.
This is in stark contrast to the family member who deceived us about her pandemic activities for a brunch outing. She perceives our decision to spend time with other family as a betrayal, but we know we can trust them—they’ve proven their reliability.
The Dangers of Deception
Everyone has different levels of risk tolerance, but lying to someone who is more cautious is among the most irresponsible actions one can take. It undermines their ability to make informed health decisions, essentially saying, “I know better than you what you need to be safe.” This is not only disrespectful but also harmful.
When you lie about your activities during the pandemic, you strip others of their autonomy. My husband suffers from severe asthma and has an autoimmune condition. If he contracts COVID-19, the consequences could be dire. I will not gamble with his health so someone else can enjoy socializing. When you choose to mislead, you’re making that decision for me, and it’s not acceptable. You’re not acting as my friend; you’re being selfish and disregarding my right to make choices for my family.
I have friends who have opted for different levels of risk (work is a necessity, by the way). I may not agree with their decisions, but as long as they don’t try to involve me, I respect their choices. I don’t see certain friends because they’ve made different decisions about safety, but they’ve always been honest with me, allowing me to make my own choices.
Be Honest About Your Choices
Own your decisions regarding the pandemic. If you’re planning a large gathering, like the Thanksgiving party Emily intends for 25 guests, be open about it. Sure, you may need to quarantine afterward, but your friends might appreciate your honesty.
As risk-averse as I am, if someone like Emily is prepared to isolate afterward, I would understand her perspective. I’m not here to judge your choices unless they impact me directly. However, I will scrutinize anyone who lies about their pandemic behavior. If you think you know better than me about my health and safety, then it’s clear we won’t be seeing each other anytime soon.
Summary
In the age of the pandemic, honesty about personal choices is crucial for maintaining trust in relationships. Misleading friends about health-related decisions not only jeopardizes their safety but also undermines their autonomy. It’s essential to be transparent about activities and risk levels, allowing others to make informed decisions. Protecting our loved ones should always come first, and being truthful about our choices is a vital part of that responsibility.