Parenting is a journey filled with questions, and sometimes they come from unexpected places. One day, while playing, a little girl innocently asked, “Who is her real mom?” To which her friend replied, “Both of them!” But the curiosity persisted: “But who is her REAL mom who grew her in her tummy?” For kids, the concept of “real” doesn’t always align with the adult perspective. To them, it’s about connection, love, and the stories we share.
As a child, I never imagined a life without motherhood. My dolls were my children; I nurtured them, educated them, and even played doctor. I remember the day I eagerly awaited the arrival of Annie, a doll I had ordered. When she finally arrived, I was surrounded by friends in our cul-de-sac, all excited about this special delivery. In those days before instant deliveries, a UPS truck was a big deal! Annie, with her handmade charm and golden locks, became my confidante, and together we learned many life lessons.
Fast forward a few years, and I found myself in a very different scenario. It was early morning, and after countless attempts at conceiving, I was convinced I wasn’t pregnant again. Yet, testing positive twelve days post-insemination changed everything. I rushed to wake my partner, Emma, who was still in bed. I hesitated to share my hopes because I feared disappointing her yet again. But when she saw the test, her joy was infectious. We were finally going to be parents!
Before meeting me, Emma thought motherhood was a dream that many in the LGBTQ+ community had to relinquish. The idea of being married, enjoying federal benefits, and having children seemed out of reach. But life had other plans. We tied the knot in 2004, just after Massachusetts legalized same-sex marriage. Five years later, we celebrated our anniversary on a sun-kissed beach, cradling our daughter and cherishing every moment.
So, who is the real mom? In our early days, I breastfed while Emma tackled diaper changes. We balanced work and home life to delay daycare as long as possible. As our daughter grew, her first words, “book” and “Mama,” were soon followed by her calling me “Mommy.”
Our little trio, Mommy, Mama, and our amazing daughter, Riley, became inseparable. “Riley, who is your real mom?” I asked one day. With an exaggerated eye roll, she replied, “Both of you!” At five years old, she has perfected that eye roll. While she prefers Emma for baths, saying she does it better, she loves riding in my car for the snacks and notebooks I always have on hand.
Gone are the days of ultrasounds and breastfeeding; now, it’s all about school drop-offs, hair brushing, and dinner prep. She knows her donor story, understands where she came from, and feels the love that surrounds her from both of us.
So, who is the real mom? The answer is simple: both of us, every day, in every moment. Our love and commitment make us whole.
If you’re curious about home insemination, check out this link for more resources. For those looking to enhance fertility, you can find valuable information at Make A Mom. And if you’re navigating the journey of pregnancy and home insemination, Progyny offers excellent insights.
In summary, being a mom is about love, commitment, and the experiences we share together. Whether through biological means or not, what truly matters is the bond we create with our children.