As I sit here writing, my son is nestled against me on the couch. His fingers weave through my hair as we watch our favorite shows. On family walks, he stays close, and when we see someone from a distance, he presses against me like he’s trying to create a barrier against the world outside.
He’s my eight-year-old boy, and he’s always been quite attached. It’s a familiar sight among family and friends that wherever I am, he’s right there—often on my lap, intertwined with my hair, or looking up at me with wide eyes. This behavior intensified after the death of my husband, but it has reached new levels since the World Health Organization declared COVID-19 a pandemic, forcing us into isolation.
Before this pandemic, I noticed he was starting to gain some independence. He would agree to sleepovers and even wander off to play with friends while I chatted with other moms. Occasionally, he would dash off to the playground, momentarily forgetting I existed, which was bittersweet but a sign he was growing.
However, after countless weeks of quarantine, he has reverted to being my little shadow. His fingers still find their way into my hair, and he clings to my favorite sweatshirt, which serves as his comfort item at night—our only compromise to prevent him from sleeping in my bed every single night. He’s always there—close enough to feel his presence.
In a discussion with a psychology expert, Dr. Lucas Grant, he explained that clinginess often arises from a sense of perceived danger and anxiety. Children, just like other species, have an instinct to stay near their caregivers during uncertain times. This makes sense; many kids are searching for security as their lives have been turned upside down in a matter of days. The messages they’ve received—stay home, avoid others—only reinforce this need for closeness. I understand why my son feels the need to remain physically close to me, especially as the only adult in his life.
I adore being that source of security for him, providing stability in a world that feels anything but stable. Yet, being someone’s constant support can be exhausting. Parents, like all humans, need moments to recharge before they can continue giving love and support.
I also worry. Independence and the ability to separate from caregivers are crucial for children. I want him to feel confident navigating the world without me, to be able to walk away without overwhelming fear that I might disappear. One day, life will gradually return to normal, with sleepovers and friends calling out for him to join in. I fear he may struggle to remember how to separate, or that the independence he was starting to develop will fade away.
One of the hardest truths is that I can’t promise I will always be there. Life is unpredictable, and I don’t want to make promises I might not be able to keep. This is likely at the core of his clinginess; he’s learned that loved ones can be there one moment and gone the next. While the pandemic has shifted interactions to Zoom and FaceTime, the lesson remains the same—life can change in an instant.
Still, I find hope in the fact that he has previously found his independence after trauma. Following his father’s passing, there were days when he was glued to my side, but eventually, he learned to explore his world, trusting that I would be there when he needed me.
So maybe it’s okay for him to lean on me a little more right now. When he feels secure again, he will lift his chin, set his jaw, and take the steps he needs to explore the world on his own.
If you’re interested in more insights on parenting during challenging times, check out this post on Home Insemination Kit. And for those on their fertility journey, Make a Mom offers valuable information. For further reading on insemination techniques, Healthline provides excellent resources.
In summary, the pandemic has intensified my son’s clinginess, a natural response to the uncertainty surrounding us. While I cherish being his source of comfort, I must also foster his independence to ensure he grows into a confident individual. With time, I trust he will find his way back to exploring the world on his own terms.