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My journey with TikTok began as a way to understand how a teenage character in my upcoming book might communicate. I downloaded the app just two days before the world shut down.
I was instantly drawn to TikTok, especially because a lot of it revolves around lip-syncing. Growing up in a small town during the ’80s, I remember the school-wide airband competitions. My twin sister and I once took third place for our rendition of “Manic Monday” by The Bangles—what a thrill that was!
I also appreciate the brief format of TikToks. As a mom of a four-year-old and a seven-year-old, I need everything on my phone to be quick. TikToks are typically 15 seconds long, which is a bit longer than I prefer, but I can manage.
Had it not been for the long stretch of social distancing, my interest in TikTok might have faded. But it arrived at a crucial time for me.
If I were to create a pie chart of my time lately, it would show that 98% is devoted to parenting.
My kids are with me around the clock now. They are the light of my life, yet they frequently express their frustration and sadness. They miss their friends, their activities, and so do I. This has been incredibly challenging.
I craved a fresh way to connect with others. Facebook felt deserted, and Twitter often left me feeling down about myself. After weeks of isolation, my Instagram feed—which usually brings me joy—had turned quite dreary. Instead of snapshots of my kids or nature, I found myself posting pictures of sourdough loaves.
Baking bread and looking after my children gives me some satisfaction, but I’m yearning for joy. I know I’m not alone in this.
My sister lives far away, and she recently texted me, saying, “I miss new.” TikTok has become my new.
At 40 years old, I’m diving into TikTok, and I’ve noticed three types of content that really catch my eye. While there are countless variations, I find my feed predominantly filled with three categories: transformations, confessionals, and dance challenges.
Transformations showcase individuals changing their appearance on screen, and confessionals involve lip-syncing to dialogues, reminiscent of airbands without the music. However, it’s the dance challenges that truly excite me. Someone posts a choreography to a catchy song, and others replicate it in their own TikToks, leading to a vibrant array of interpretations. It’s a bit like a living Andy Warhol artwork.
I decide my first TikTok will be a dance challenge. Picking a username that feels cool yet slightly self-referential takes some time. I opt for a beginner’s routine. Deep down, I wish to try a flirty dance to Megan Thee Stallion’s #savage, but it’s too audacious for my first go. Instead, I settle for a lively routine to The Weeknd’s #blindinglights, which feels like an energetic aerobics class.
TikTok allows users to film alongside existing videos, a feature called duet. For my debut, I pair my moves with a well-known father-son trio who have amassed over 100,000 followers with their slick choreography.
As I do the dishes, I find myself mimicking the dance moves, feeling like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance. Although I’m not her, it feels liberating. TikTok is all about fun; it’s like a summer party.
Choosing an outfit proves tricky. My husband, a head brewer at a microbrewery, is essential personnel, leaving me as the sole caregiver. This means I have access to fabulous beer, which isn’t helping with my figure! I settle on black leggings, a loose top—feeling like a dancer off-duty—and red flats, as they seem like something a cool dancer would wear.
I need to get my kids outside to film in the yard. I hope that my attempts to dance will inspire them to join in. They giggle as I rehearse, indicating that I may not look as cool as I hoped, but I’m loving the experience.
Truth be told, I’m not great at this. I lack formal dance training, and my style could best be described as “silly.” I thought the choreography would be straightforward, but it’s proving trickier than anticipated. The first move is a dab coupled with a side step, and everything moves quickly. Dabs are foreign territory for me, but I push forward. My daughter remarks that it looks like I’m just bouncing. I delete several attempts, dabbing relentlessly in pursuit of something decent.
Then, it clicks. I bounce into the frame, dab, step, hop, and even incorporate a move that resembles Irish Step Dancing, which isn’t part of the routine but somehow works. By the end, I kick toward the camera with pure joy, and something shifts within me. I’ve done it—I’ve found my new.
The final frame captures a smile I haven’t seen in ages. Before I share it, I add the hashtag #over40. There are many of us on this platform now, all seeking the same thing. TikTok brings a spark of joy in a time of isolation. Parties may be on hold, but we can still dance.
Next up: #savage.
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Summary:
The author reflects on her unexpected journey with TikTok, which began as research but evolved into a source of joy during the pandemic. At 40, she finds herself engaged in dance challenges and transformations, seeking connection and fun amidst the challenges of parenting. TikTok becomes a lifeline, allowing her to express herself and connect with others in a time of social distancing.