Yesterday, my husband, Jake, and I found ourselves side by side, trying to piece together a puzzle—because this is the new normal. As I glanced over at him, I noticed he was making this odd noise with his mouth and nose. It’s hard to describe, but it was almost like he was intentionally inhaling sharply through his nose and then audibly exhaling through his mouth.
Okay, okay! He was just breathing. But seriously, has he always done it this loudly? The nerve, I thought. He must have sensed the frustration radiating from my glare because he quietly slipped away from the table.
The truth is, I need him now more than ever. He’s the only one in the house willing to venture out for groceries, after all. His willingness to brave the outside world during this pandemic is commendable.
Before the quarantine hit, we prepared by stocking up on essentials. However, our kids’ obsession with milk necessitated a trip to the store. Jake gallantly volunteered for a Costco run. Since I usually handle the grocery shopping, I figured it was best to give him a list.
The list looked something like this:
- Something important
- Something slightly less important
- Something I’ve never tried but now seems crucial
- Toilet Paper
- White Wine
- Milk
- Other less crucial items
My husband braved the long line that wrapped around the store and emerged two hours later, groceries in hand. By then, the kids and I were parched and a tad irritable.
As I started unloading the bags, I was dismayed to discover just one regular-sized bottle of white wine. One! In the middle of a pandemic, I was left with a single bottle of wine? Panic set in.
Jake looked at me and said, “Emily, you don’t even drink white wine.”
Okay, fine! He had a point. Red is my drink of choice, and he knows that. But these are extraordinary times, and I thought I might as well try something different. Why not have a little fun with it?
Three hours later, Jake and I reached an understanding. From now on, I would specify “wines” when making the grocery list, and he would simply follow my instructions.
This is just one instance of how quarantine has tested our marriage in ways I couldn’t have anticipated. The isolation has given us an overwhelming amount of time together—too much time, in fact. And let’s not even get started on our three kids!
Though Jake and I have been married for nearly a decade, much of that time was spent working and sleeping. In reality, with my job taking up 40 hours a week and our nightly sleep averaging eight or nine hours, we typically only see each other for about five hours a day. Those hours are usually consumed with dinner prep, homework, and bedtime routines. So, this quarantine has been a unique experience for us, as it has been for countless couples who have chosen to isolate together.
We’ve started asking each other questions we never thought we would: “Why do you chew so loudly?” “Do you have to stand so close to me?” “What are you doing here?” While we know the answers, it has led us to question things that never bothered us before—like Jake wearing the same sweats for five consecutive days.
These are truly bizarre times for couples.
Just last week, when my two-year-old daughter, Lily, hid my wedding ring, I almost lost it. I was at my wit’s end—exhausted from the kids, work, and worry. I even jokingly suggested a trial separation until I found my ring. Lily just laughed.
I adore my husband, and I appreciate him every day during this quarantine, but this setup is far from our norm. We’ve gone from spending about 300 hours together in a six-week span to 672 hours, which translates to an additional 372 hours together—equivalent to 75 days!
That’s an immense amount of time to learn about someone, even if I’ve had nearly ten years to do so. Suddenly, I’m discovering things like his habit of staying on conference calls while using the bathroom, his 6:00 a.m. wake-up routine, and his tendency to shave off his beard without warning. Did he really think I would handle that well?
In this time, I’ve also learned a lot about myself. I can still sleep in until 10:00 a.m., I’d close the blinds at 5:00 p.m. if allowed, I yell when stressed, and I bake to unwind.
Most importantly, I’ve realized that neither of us is perfect. We don’t have everything together. But, as corny as it sounds, together we have it all.
Jake and I have been making plans to celebrate our ten-year anniversary this fall—perhaps a trip to Napa or even Mexico. But honestly, we don’t need to wait until autumn to celebrate. We’ve already earned it. And yes, I’m counting these last 75 days.
So, I’m going to pop open a bottle of white wine and toast to us, and to all couples navigating this strange period together—even if the word “home” now makes us cringe. These are indeed peculiar times, and we’re fortunate to endure them with someone we can hardly stand.
For more insights on family dynamics during quarantine, check out this blog post. And for more information on home insemination options, visit Make a Mom or explore this excellent resource from Cleveland Clinic.
Summary:
The quarantine has profoundly impacted my marriage, forcing my husband and me to confront peculiarities we never noticed before. While we used to have limited time together, the isolation has allowed us to spend an overwhelming amount of hours as a family. This experience has taught us that neither of us is perfect, but together, we can navigate these unusual times.