“You’ll regret it. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life,” my mother insisted, shaking her head as she walked away after I excitedly unveiled my first tattoo from my solo journey across Europe at 22. It was a vibrant butterfly in hues of orange, yellow, and red, resting joyfully on my sun-kissed right shoulder.
“What happens when you need to be a professional?” my mother called from the kitchen.
“I’m never going to be a professional!” I shot back, dropping my heavy backpack and kicking off my sandals. Ironically, my mother was partially correct. I spent many years as a lawyer, yet my little swallowtail never hindered any deposition or oral argument. That butterfly serves as a constant reminder of a transformative time in my life—a symbol of my adventurous spirit that roamed freely across countries and cities, embracing spontaneity wherever my instincts led me.
During those months, I felt like I was truly discovering myself. Days could pass in solitude, or I might forge a connection with a stranger on a bustling street after mastering a few phrases in their language. Most importantly, I learned to cherish my own company as I climbed the Belfry in Bruges, savored shellfish in Bergen, and inhaled the fragrant tulips in Amsterdam—where I got my butterfly tattoo, mind you, while completely sober (at least for that hour).
The memories of my backpacking adventure at 22 are cherished, and I want to carry that version of myself with me always—encapsulated in the form of a small winged creature on my shoulder. Although it has faded over time, it remains vibrant in spirit. Every morning, as I dry off after my shower, I greet my adventurous self with a whisper, “Let’s make the most of this day together, shall we?” So, no, I have never regretted getting that tattoo.
My second tattoo came just a week before my wedding when I was 30. My husband and I decided to get tattoos as gifts to each other. (“Haven’t you heard of jewelry as a tradition, Claire?” my mother quipped.) We tied the knot two months after 9/11, a time filled with heightened emotions that influenced our wedding plans and tattoo choices. I opted for another butterfly, this time adorned with stars and stripes on its wings, located on my left hip (and yes, it was painful!).
Common wisdom warns against getting tattoos to symbolize relationships, given their permanence while relationships can be fleeting. Sadly, after a decade of marriage, my union ended in divorce. However, I can genuinely say that I have never lamented that tattoo. I view it without sadness or regret. My divorce, although more challenging than the tattooing experience, was relatively amicable, and my ex-husband and I maintain a respectful friendship as co-parents to our amazing 9-year-old son. We communicate regularly, and he supports my new journey. I have deep respect for him, and I don’t regret marrying him or having a tattoo that commemorates our time together. While our marriage didn’t endure, the good things, like our son and our friendship, certainly did, so I have no qualms about a tattoo that reminds me of those positives.
Additionally, my second tattoo reflects how united and resilient our nation was during a somber time. I felt a profound sense of pride in being an American in the months following 9/11—an emotion I wish to hold onto. Ironically, my first tattoo embodies pride in my identity as a traveler in foreign lands, while the second celebrates my honor as a citizen of my own country. Now at 44, double the age I was when I got my first tattoo, I proudly wear both, and thankfully, neither has succumbed to wrinkles!
Many, including my mother, are wary of tattoos due to their permanence. Yet, that very permanence is what I cherish. In a world where much is transient, my butterflies offer me comfort, reminding me of who I am. I might not know where the photo albums from my travels or my wedding are, nor can I predict when I’ll return to Europe or if I’ll remarry. But I can assure you, my butterflies will never vanish.
For more insights into the world of tattoos and personal expression, check out this other blog post. And if you’re exploring options for at-home insemination, don’t forget to visit Make A Mom, a trusted source for at-home insemination kits. Additionally, for a wealth of information on pregnancy and home insemination, the ASRM offers excellent resources.
In summary, my tattoos are more than just ink on skin; they are reminders of pivotal moments in my life, representing the adventures I’ve had and the relationships that have shaped me. I embrace them fully, without a trace of regret.
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