What’s a 49-year-old mother doing with a two-year-old? That’s the question that seems to linger in the minds of onlookers as I dash after my toddler through the grocery store, take her to storytime at the library, or grab lunch at our favorite café. While it may seem unconventional, becoming a mother at 47 has allowed me to join an exclusive group, including celebrity moms like supermodel Iman and Janet Jackson. I represent a growing community of women who are challenging norms and welcoming children in their late 40s or even early 50s.
Encountering older mothers in person is quite different from reading about them in tabloids. I had this realization one day while leaving Costco with my teenage daughter and my little one. The cashier looked at me and bluntly asked, “Are you their grandmother?” Taken aback, I simply replied, “No.” Her incredulous response, “You’re not?” left me momentarily speechless. I reiterated my answer and left the store feeling a mix of emotions.
During the drive home, I attempted to engage my kids with light conversation, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of self-consciousness. I began to wonder if I really appeared to be old enough to be a grandmother to a teenager. Once home, I examined my reflection and saw the tiny lines around my eyes and the fatigue evident on my face. Late-night feedings and early mornings with a high schooler can certainly take a toll.
In the months following that encounter, I pondered the concept of older mothers. I couldn’t possibly be the only woman to give birth after 45, so I did some research and discovered some interesting statistics. While birth rates have generally declined for women in the U.S., those in their 40s are seeing a rise. From 2017 to 2018, the birth rate for women aged 45-49 increased by three percent, and by two percent for those aged 40-44. This trend suggests that more of us will be seen at soccer practices, running errands, or waiting in lines.
Various factors contribute to why women choose to have children later in life. In my case, my daughter was a “menopause baby.” After years of dealing with perimenopause symptoms and visiting my gynecologist, I had confidently declared to my daughter that I was “too old to have babies.” Spoiler alert: I was wrong.
Many women I know have prioritized their careers or traveled extensively in their 20s and 30s. Others have found love later in life and decided to wait until they had a committed partner to start a family. Advances in fertility treatments and assistance from specialists have enabled many older women to fulfill their dreams of motherhood.
Despite the increasing numbers, having a baby in your late 40s or early 50s is still quite rare. In 2018, just over 950 babies were born in the U.S. to women aged 45 to 54, compared to over 566,000 born to women between 35 and 39.
While older mothers may be a minority, I believe society should adopt some common courtesies. For years, we’ve been taught not to ask if someone is pregnant, as they may be struggling with weight or postpartum challenges. Why can’t we extend the same courtesy regarding a woman’s role as a mother or grandmother? It’s possible she’s the mom, a grandparent, or perhaps a nanny. Does it really matter?
I’ve encountered my fair share of rude remarks during outings with my little one. One comment that stuck with me was from an elderly customer at the grocery store who said, “You’re too old to be playing with dolls,” not once but twice while I was checking out. The cashier defended me, saying, “She heard you. She smiled at you.”
I smiled because, while I’m definitely not playing with dolls, I believe kindness outweighs rudeness. Internally, I chuckled at the reality of diaper changes, midnight feedings, and cleaning up after a stomach bug. Yes, it’s much more demanding than caring for a Baby Alive doll. Yet, I revel in the joyous moments: tickling my child, hearing her infectious laughter, chasing her at the playground, and dancing in the kitchen to Baby Shark. At 49, I find myself taking life less seriously, and being a mom now is far more enjoyable than it was 16 years ago with my first child.
The best part? The hugs and cuddles from my little one keep me feeling youthful. And honestly, I’m just not ready to embrace the title of grandma yet.
For more insights into motherhood, consider reading this related blog. For those interested in conception methods, check out this resource, which is an authority on the topic. Also, News Medical offers excellent information regarding pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
This article discusses the experience of being a mother at 49, exploring societal perceptions and statistics about older mothers. It highlights the challenges and joys of motherhood later in life, while advocating for more understanding and kindness towards women in this situation.