A few months back, I experienced a pivotal realization: I really need to just say no. This phrase might bring back memories for some of us, reminiscent of the D.A.R.E. initiative from our youth. However, my current struggle isn’t about the temptations of a rebellious peer; it’s about something far more overwhelming—youth activities. The endless roster of sports, after-school clubs ranging from martial arts to culinary arts, and the pressure on our kids to start honing their college resumes as young as eight years old.
Then there’s the image of the perfect parent: the Pinterest-inspired crafts, Instagram-ready moments, and the constant balancing act of working, parenting, and coaching—all while juggling PTA responsibilities. For everyone, but especially for our kids, it’s essential to learn when to say no.
My journey began when I rushed into an 8 a.m. workout class just minutes late. While chatting with another mom who was also running behind, I realized how often I felt like I was merely scraping by. This feeling lingered for weeks, as I began to notice that many days felt like an uphill battle filled with school drop-offs, workout sessions, meetings, and endless activities for my three kids.
This is my first year as a stay-at-home mom with all three children on the same schedule from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. Initially, it held so much promise—daily workouts? Absolutely! Volunteering for every PTA event and field trip for the next nine years? Yes, please! Joining a writing seminar that could practically be a full-time job? Count me in!
However, reality quickly morphed into a chaotic blend of commitments, leaving me racing to pick up the kids at 3 p.m. with snacks (which are mandatory) in tow. The after-school frenzy just adds to the chaos: juggling carpools, managing busy schedules, ensuring healthy meals, and hunting down that elusive soccer shin guard that’s somehow gone missing right as we pull up to the driveway. Every day, I marvel at how I once handled a traditional 9-to-5 job while managing these schedules; I truly admire working mothers, but we are all striving hard every single day—it’s true!
I’ve come to realize we need to embrace a slower pace. The toll this frantic lifestyle takes on us is evident—missed school assignments, kids too fatigued to attend practice, and the tears from my youngest at drop-off as I rush them out of the car for my next commitment. By bedtime, I’m often too exhausted to read stories or share snuggles with my littlest one, and I find myself lashing out at my husband, feeling like a single parent, even though I know he’s just as overwhelmed.
Last fall, my eldest son was involved in six after-school activities, from a spelling bee club to year-round soccer, consuming nearly 12 hours a week. If I calculated his time spent at school plus activities, it felt akin to an 80-hour work week. Each time we discussed simplifying his schedule, he would express how he didn’t want to miss out on anything—“I want to try piano, my friend is doing basketball and said I should join, and another buddy tried curling and loved it!”
How can we possibly slow down amidst these expectations for our kids? Reflecting on my own childhood, I remember playdates, carefree walks home with friends, and imaginative performances for family. I cherish memories of family vacations and weekends spent enjoying long winters in upstate New York, rather than the pressure of tournaments or intricate crafts.
I wish for my children to create similar memories—family game nights, ski trips, vacations, and lazy Saturday mornings in pajamas. Yes, I want them to experience the thrill of winning a soccer tournament, but not at the expense of their childhood. It’s acceptable to occasionally eat dinner in the car or let my five-year-old play on a tablet while waiting for his brother’s practice to end, but it can’t be our everyday reality. We all need time to be a family and simply enjoy being home.
This year, my partner and I are dedicated to embracing a slower pace. This means saying no more often. We’ve started skipping practices to spend quality family time and even missing events to take trips together. We’ve set boundaries on activities for our children, discovering that after a few weeks of forgoing certain commitments, our 11-year-old expressed he didn’t miss them at all.
I know we may occasionally be tempted back into the whirlwind of activities, but we are committed to finding balance. We want to show our children that it’s alright to just say no.
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In summary, embracing the mantra of “just say no” has become a vital part of our family’s journey. By prioritizing what truly matters and creating space for cherished memories, we can navigate the demands of parenthood without sacrificing our well-being.