In our competitive community, I feel fortunate that my children excel academically with relative ease. However, living in a town where high achievement is the norm, they face tremendous pressure to excel—whether it’s through maintaining top grades, participating in numerous extracurricular activities, or crafting an impeccable college application to gain admission to elite universities.
Despite my constant reminders to my children that effort and learning hold more value than perfect grades, they still succumb to overwhelming pressure to perform. Just the other day, my son returned home in tears after receiving a B+ on a project he had poured his heart into. I reassured him that his hard work mattered more than the grade itself, but he struggled to accept this perspective.
Eventually, I calmed him down by sharing my own experiences of not achieving the grades I aimed for, emphasizing that success can come in many forms—often independent of prestigious colleges. I encouraged him to discover and cultivate his strengths and to maintain self-belief. Yet, during this conversation, I couldn’t help but wonder: how did we reach this point? Why does a bright, hardworking child still feel such intense pressure? This issue extends beyond my family; it’s a widespread epidemic affecting kids of all backgrounds.
A recent study reported by The Washington Post from the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine has classified students in high-achieving schools as “at risk” for mental health issues. Traditionally, at-risk youth included those facing poverty, residing in foster care, or having incarcerated parents.
While it might seem inappropriate to group affluent students with those from underprivileged backgrounds, the reality is that mental health struggles can affect any child, regardless of their circumstances. As highlighted in a report by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, the relentless pressure to excel can significantly contribute to mental health challenges.
The Post states, “It may sound counterintuitive, even perverse, to put relatively affluent kids in the same category as our country’s most vulnerable youths,” acknowledging that, while the sources of stress differ, both groups are at risk for chronic stress that can impact overall health and well-being.
Suniya Luthar, a psychology professor at Arizona State University who has extensively studied this phenomenon, found that students at high-achieving schools experience significant emotional distress, leading to increased anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and behavioral issues. Luthar notes that when parents inquire about the origins of this pressure, her response is, “Where is it not?”
What Can Parents Do?
So, what can parents do to protect their children’s mental health? Experts, including Luthar, point to the pressure stemming from teachers, peers, coaches, and yes, parents. While schools must prioritize mental and emotional wellness, parents wield considerable influence in this area.
A 2017 study published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence revealed that children whose parents valued character traits alongside academic achievements had better outcomes than those whose parents focused solely on grades. The study found that adolescents who believed their parents prioritized character over achievement exhibited improved mental health and less delinquent behavior.
So perhaps I’m not the worst parent after all. Repeatedly reminding my children that kindness and character matter more than grades is, in fact, the right approach. However, I recognize that the journey ahead won’t be easy, especially as they aren’t even in high school yet, facing the pressures of college admissions. I remain hopeful that by prioritizing character and showering them with love and encouragement, I can help them navigate these challenges—at least a little bit.
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In summary, high-achieving students are increasingly recognized as ‘at risk’ for mental health issues due to the intense pressure to perform academically. This phenomenon affects kids from various backgrounds, emphasizing the need for parents and educators to prioritize emotional well-being alongside academic success.