This message is for all my friends who have chosen to live child-free, especially those bracing for the holiday season and all the probing questions that come with it. Feel free to share this on social media and watch as your relatives squirm.
Dear Inquisitive Relatives,
The holidays are here! Halloween passes, and suddenly we’re racing towards the end of the year—Thanksgiving, Christmas, and all those festive gatherings. It’s a time for joy, but let’s also set some clear boundaries. I’m going to share some honest thoughts that your exasperated daughter, daughter-in-law, or partner has likely been too polite to express.
Simply put: Please stop asking about children.
She understands your excitement; she really does. She’s not oblivious to your subtle references about friends who are expecting, or those dreamy stories about “that perfect family photo shoot” with a picturesque backdrop (newsflash: that was a muddy puddle with filters). She sees you pulling out old family albums every holiday, reminiscing about how adorable your son was, and how thrilled you are to have saved that tiny sailor outfit for “someday,” all while giving her what you think is a knowing look.
She notices your dreamy tales of cuddly babies and how you gaze at her with the anticipation of a livestock auctioneer. And yes, she feels you sizing her up every time you meet, wondering if her loose-fitting shirt hides a baby bump or just a few extra donuts from the new shop nearby.
She’s exhausted from accepting every offered glass of wine just to demonstrate that, no, there’s no baby on the way (and she’s probably tipsy enough to post this on social media). She doesn’t want to hear about your cousin’s neighbor’s friend who had a donor and is now living her best life with twins. Just stop. She gets it.
The reality is, subtly pressuring her (and let’s be honest, you’re not being subtle) isn’t going to change her mind about having kids. It will only breed resentment. If she does end up having a child before she’s ready, she’ll face the consequences, whether that’s postpartum depression or a shift in her career plans. Maybe she’ll embrace motherhood wholeheartedly, or maybe not, but that’s a decision she deserves to make without pressure from those who should be her support system.
When life gets chaotic (and it will), where will you be, Grandma? Sure, you’ll help out occasionally, change some diapers, and then what? You’ll return to your own home, laughing about how you’ve done your part. You’ve had your kids and made your choices; now let her make hers. If you’re craving the presence of little ones, consider fostering or adopting, or volunteering—just please keep your opinions about her reproductive choices to yourself.
Cheers,
A Friend Who Advocates for Her Child-Free Companions
For more insights, check out this related post on home insemination. If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, Make a Mom is a leading source on the subject. Additionally, IVF Babble is an excellent resource for navigating pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, this article serves as a candid call for respect and understanding for those who have chosen a child-free lifestyle while addressing the pressures they face during family gatherings.