Recently, my partner and I attended a family wedding without our children. Even though our kids are older now, such outings without them are still quite rare. Our eldest is capable of staying home alone, but our youngest still needs supervision, making arrangements a bit of a juggling act amidst our busy schedule.
Reflecting on those earlier years, it was far more complicated. Finding a babysitter was only part of the challenge; the thought of someone else managing the bedtime routine often felt overwhelming. Late-night adventures could easily turn our little ones into cranky creatures for days. And let’s not even get started on the breastfeeding phase; getting out for even a brief period was nearly impossible, as I couldn’t bear to leave someone else with a clingy baby who refused a bottle.
At the wedding, I ran into a relative of my partner’s. I noticed his sister, who has a toddler, was absent. Traditionally, they both attend family gatherings, so her absence stood out. When I expressed my support, her brother remarked, “It’s tough for her to get away with the baby.”
That sparked a little fire within me. Why should any parent feel the need to apologize for not attending events? No parent should ever feel obligated to explain their absence due to childcare responsibilities. From birth until around age five—or even longer, depending on the child—there should be no assumptions made about a parent’s ability to attend an event where children may not be welcome or where attendance could disrupt their routine.
While some events are truly significant, I trust that parents will make informed decisions about what’s most important for their families. It’s crucial to remember that we sometimes must step outside our comfort zones, but ultimately, it’s up to each parent to determine when that’s appropriate.
What’s frustrating is the judgment from others, who seem to think they know better about when parents should make sacrifices to attend events. Many don’t realize how all-encompassing parenting young children can be. It’s true that every moment requires attention, and many of us are balancing work, household tasks, and childcare, often simultaneously.
So, no, Carol, it’s not as simple as just “getting away for a few hours.” Unless you are part of our daily lives, you cannot dictate what we can or can’t do. Parents of young children deserve a pass from attending events outside their home, including family gatherings. They should never feel compelled to offer an explanation for their absence.
When you learn that a parent with a young child can’t attend a wedding, holiday gathering, or family get-together, the response should be, “Of course they can’t make it; they have a little one at home.” Simple, right?
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In summary, parents should never feel pressured to justify why they cannot attend events due to childcare responsibilities. It’s essential to create an understanding environment where their absence is accepted without explanation.