My mother, despite being nearly 80, carries the spirit of a teenager within her. On sunny afternoons, she twirls around the living room, ABBA blasting loudly enough to make the neighbors raise an eyebrow. She dreams of traveling the globe, diving into every book she can find, and maybe even picking up a new language or two. Yet, amid all her aspirations, her obsession with appearance remains paramount.
It’s fascinating to observe how bodies age differently. I think of my mother-in-law, who is just a few years younger but possesses a sharp mind and engages effortlessly in discussions about everything from politics to sports. Then there are friends whose mothers remain active, taking road trips and cruises as if they’re on a quest for self-discovery. My own mother, in contrast, struggles with attention and often misplaces her belongings—keys, money, even the car. Sometimes, I wonder if she’s also misplaced her sense of self.
What she never forgets, however, is her ideal weight. Conversations are often punctuated with her latest dieting attempts, sharing how she’s now on a mission to shed a few pounds, often detailing the minimal lunch choices she made. For as long as I can remember, she has been caught in the endless cycle of weight loss and gain. She might lose a couple of pounds, only to indulge in her favorite treats—pie, cake, bread—before declaring, “To hell with it. I’m too old for this!” before serving herself generous helpings. But the next day, she’s back at it again, recounting her healthy habits, despite her frequent minor accidents while biking that leave her bruised for weeks.
Living thousands of miles away means our visits are infrequent, yet I know to brace myself for her comments upon our reunion. On good days, she’ll beam, “You look great!” but more often, I hear, “Oh dear, you’re looking a bit messy.” My father chimes in, reminding her I’m on a road trip and need to be comfortable. It’s disheartening to realize that she doesn’t seem to notice how her remarks affect me. On the phone, she expresses how much she misses our time together, and while it can be delightful, it can also be exhausting.
I can’t help but worry about my mother’s fixation on maintaining a figure reminiscent of Marilyn Monroe, despite her age. When do women finally reach a point of acceptance? As I approach my mid-40s, I often ponder the same questions. When will I stop comparing my size to that of my younger self? Am I simply mimicking my mother’s habits of perpetual dieting without any real commitment to change?
Weight is undoubtedly a heavy topic, yet in the grand scheme of life, it holds little significance. I don’t want to be remembered by the numbers on a scale or the sizes of my clothing. This obsession weighs heavily on my mother, and I find myself conflicted about it. Some days, I encourage her, saying, “You can do it, Mom.” Other days, I want to shout, “Who cares! Enjoy what you love; you’ve earned it.”
Indeed, she has. My mother has dedicated her life to our family, navigating challenges with grace while raising three headstrong children. She has worked tirelessly, often extending herself to help others, whether it be driving seniors to grocery stores or supporting us when we needed it most. She absolutely deserves a slice of cake with extra frosting. She deserves to embrace her worth.
But like a teenager, no amount of reassurance seems to penetrate her self-doubt. Yet, I hear the affirmations I wish she would internalize. I remind myself that indulging in a treat doesn’t diminish my value. The number on a dress label pales in comparison to the richness of experiences that fill my life—like dancing alone to music that might be a bit too loud for the neighbors.
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Ultimately, life is about creating memories, both past and present, and finding joy in the little things, like dancing with abandon.
Summary:
This article reflects on the relationship between a daughter and her aging mother, exploring their struggles with body image and weight. It emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance and cherishing life’s experiences over societal expectations regarding appearance. The piece also highlights the joy of living fully, despite the pressures of maintaining a certain image.
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