My son is three and a half years old. He adores Mickey Mouse, enjoys sprinting around the house in his underwear, and loves constructing anything with blocks. However, he has a strong aversion to rice, dislikes being licked by our family dog, and particularly hates hearing the word “no,” especially when he’s just asked for a treat.
Just before his third birthday, my son, Jamie, received a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. This label felt more like a formality since Jamie had exhibited signs of being neurodivergent since his very first day. We only needed a doctor’s confirmation to secure coverage for essential therapies like speech and occupational support.
I won’t pretend that receiving this diagnosis was easy for me. I initially feared that I wasn’t equipped to help him achieve his dreams and aspirations. Autism appeared daunting, especially when I knew so little about it.
In reality, what Jamie truly needed from me was nothing complex. Like any child, he required love and support. All I needed to do was continue showering him with affection and following his lead. He understands how to embrace his true self; my role is simply to stand by him, always.
And he makes that role effortless. Jamie is a burst of light. He exudes joy, energy, and delight wherever he goes. I can’t express enough how wonderful he is. Even if he weren’t my child, I would still find immense joy in his presence. When he laughs, throwing his head back in pure delight, it’s impossible not to smile. He took his time learning to communicate, but now that he can express his thoughts, he often shares the most amusing things. I absolutely treasure him.
Similar to many parents, I’ve opted to share certain stories about Jamie’s life online, as well as some anecdotes about my older son, who is neurotypical. While some stories can be humorous or poignant, most simply offer a glimpse into our everyday life and relatable parenting moments. I share the annoying aspects, the universal “why are kids so messy?” situations, and the small frustrations that come with the adventure of parenthood.
However, what you won’t find on my social media is a detailed account of my children’s most challenging days, their struggles, or their deepest vulnerabilities. My son has unique needs, but he is still a human being. He will eventually grow into adulthood, and there are chapters of his story that belong solely to him.
Occasionally, I receive messages from other parents of autistic children expressing that it feels unfair for me to portray a positive picture of autism, as if it diminishes the challenges they face. They might say, “Your stories make it seem like autism is easy.” My instinct is to respond defensively, thinking, “Children with autism aren’t here for others to scrutinize on social media. My child doesn’t owe anyone an explanation, nor do I.”
Yet, I understand where these parents are coming from. I acknowledge that Jamie’s experiences may not mirror theirs. It’s important to recognize that autism is a spectrum, and every individual presents differently. Jamie’s autism doesn’t significantly alter our daily life, and while we adjust for him at times, he’s generally a laid-back, easygoing little boy.
I am not “acting like” my son is thriving or creating an unrealistic narrative. Every story I share is genuine. However, there are aspects of both my children that I choose to keep private. This decision stems not from a desire to maintain an image but from a commitment to safeguarding my sons. I refuse to believe that I need to share their struggles to uphold my integrity as a parent. I am intentional about protecting their stories that are not mine to share, and that will never change.
Especially for Jamie: although he has specific needs, he is fundamentally a human being. He will grow up, and certain parts of his journey belong solely to him. I will always celebrate when either of my children achieves something remarkable. For instance, when Jamie, who has food aversions, tried pierogi for the first time, I wanted to shout it from the rooftops! I love hearing about other kids’ achievements as well, whether it’s eating broccoli, making the honor roll, or starting to wear deodorant without reminders. Whatever your parenting triumphs are, I’m here to cheer for you.
However, if you’re looking for videos of an autistic child during a meltdown, or images of a distressed parent recounting a tough day, my stories won’t fit that narrative. I firmly believe that my children deserve privacy in their most vulnerable moments, which includes understanding that their mother won’t share those experiences with a wide audience.
I’m not saying that sharing struggles is inherently wrong. Such content might offer comfort to some, providing a sense of solidarity. However, I feel uneasy about portraying intimate struggles involving a child who cannot consent to that level of exposure. That’s just my perspective; I can’t dictate how other parents choose to share their experiences. Each of us must navigate that decision independently.
But for me, sharing my children’s lives without exposing their hardships feels right. Celebrating positivity is not the same as fabricating an idealized image for social media. I have a wealth of uplifting stories about Jamie because he is truly remarkable.
Autistic individuals are people, plain and simple. Each person on the spectrum is unique, and there is no universal measure for assessing whether someone is “acting autistic enough.” Jamie sometimes behaves like his neurotypical peers and, at other times, he does not. This variability is due to the fact that he is just a child with different neurological wiring, navigating new experiences in his own way.
No online stranger is qualified to judge whether I’m sharing enough of his struggles to provide an accurate portrayal of autism. Autism is a neurological difference, diagnosed through observed behaviors, yet it does not adhere to a fixed set of traits. Each story I share about Jamie is authentic, but it doesn’t aim to represent the entire spectrum.
I have never claimed to embody the autistic community; they advocate for themselves excellently. If you seek genuine insights about autism, you don’t need to rely solely on the mother of an autistic child. There is a wealth of first-person accounts shared by autistic teens and adults online.
I simply share stories about Jamie. He is both exceptional and autistic, and these aspects coexist without conflict. That’s all anyone needs to understand.
For more insights on this topic, you can explore this post on home insemination.
In summary, my son Jamie’s journey is uniquely his own. While I celebrate his achievements and share joyful moments, I prioritize protecting his privacy and dignity. Each child’s experience with autism is different, and I choose to focus on the positives while remaining mindful of their personal stories.