In my early teenage years, I experienced puberty ahead of my peers. My body transformed almost overnight, and I often heard comments from relatives like, “Is that really you, Laura?” as they touched the flesh on my upper arms or thighs.
I was constantly hungry. While it seemed like everyone around me maintained their size and ate little, my appetite remained relentless. Nevertheless, I was content.
Between my sophomore and junior years, I decided to start exercising. I got toned and stronger, but my adolescent mind felt it wasn’t enough. So, I began counting calories and cutting down on carbs. Initially, it worked well — I made healthier choices without completely restricting any food groups.
However, the moment I began weighing myself was when things took a turn for the worse. I let the number on the scale dictate my self-worth. Instead of concentrating on how I felt, I became fixated on attaining a specific size, criticizing myself for my weight. Rather than celebrating my progress and listening to my body, my healthy lifestyle devolved into compulsive behaviors.
I became fixated on calorie counting, and in just a month, I memorized the calorie content of all my favorite foods. I felt that to be healthy, I had to make the “right” (read: ultra-healthy) choices every single moment, never skip a workout, and never indulge — pushing myself to not eat until I was full.
I labeled my habits as “healthy,” but being so rigid to the point of obsession was far from healthy. It wasn’t beneficial for my body or my mind. I despised counting calories, but I felt trapped in the cycle. I would sit in every class, repeatedly calculating the calories I’d consumed throughout the day.
Then came the self-hatred. I labeled myself as “weak” and berated myself whenever I ate for enjoyment. I was not healthy. I stopped menstruating, my hair began to thin, and I found myself dozing off in at least two classes each day.
It was clear I had developed an eating disorder. My obsession with being “healthy” turned me into the sickest version of myself. I prioritized calorie counting and food restrictions over my health, and I was utterly miserable.
This diet consumed my thoughts entirely, leaving me with social anxiety and a racing mind. My eating disorder significantly impacted my high school experience.
It wasn’t until college that I began to break free from this unhealthy eating pattern. The journey was long and challenging. Yes, I gained weight, but I also rediscovered my sense of self, feeling healthy and strong once again. I promised myself I would never return to that dark place.
And I haven’t.
Counting calories and adhering to a restrictive diet now triggers my anxiety. It is simply not healthy. Fad diets, carb counting, or eliminating foods deemed “bad” lead me down an obsessive path. I refuse to allow myself to go there again.
Today, I exercise for the joy it brings me, not for my appearance or the numbers on the scale. I maintain a balanced diet, enjoying various foods in moderation — including regular visits to McDonald’s.
My weight fluctuates, as it does for many, but my moods are stable. I am living fully, savoring food and friendship. I’m happy, and my mind is no longer a calculator tallying my daily caloric intake.
I no longer shy away from social gatherings out of fear that there won’t be options that fit a restrictive diet. I understand that I am living a healthier life because I am no longer confined by stringent rules that drained my spirit.
I will never revert to the teenage girl who avoided pizza and brownies for almost four years. She was so restricted that comfort was elusive, and hunger was constant.
By letting go of calorie counting, I embraced a happier version of myself. Trust me, your happiness outweighs any number on the scale. For further insights on related topics, consider checking out this blog post and resources like Make A Mom for information on home insemination kits or UCSF for excellent guidance on pregnancy and fertility treatments.
Summary:
Laura Thompson shares her personal journey of struggling with body image and the detrimental effects of calorie counting and restrictive diets during her teenage years. After recognizing the unhealthy obsession with her weight and food, she eventually learned to embrace a balanced approach to eating and exercise, leading to improved mental health and happiness.