When Jenna and I first crossed paths, I was just 21, working at a local hardware store. I expressed my ambition to pursue a college education, but I struggled with basic skills like typing and had never even read a novel. With years having passed since high school, I felt lost. College hadn’t been on my radar until Jenna entered my life. There was something about her brilliance and kindness that ignited a desire in me to strive for more.
When I shared my aspirations and the hurdles I faced, I expected Jenna to see me as a hopeless case (which, in hindsight, I kind of was). Instead, she simply said, “Don’t worry. I’ll help you.”
During that first semester, I would scrawl my papers by hand. My handwriting was so poor that Jenna often struggled to decipher it. There we were in our small, worn-out apartment, with me reading my work aloud while she typed it up.
Fast forward nearly 16 years, and I’ve learned how to type, completed my undergraduate degree, attended graduate school, and secured a solid job in higher education. We’ve welcomed three children into our lives, managed our bills, and I’ve published three books, writing for esteemed platforms like The New York Times and The Washington Post. I’ve come a long way, and every step of that journey has seen Jenna by my side, expecting more from me.
It might seem like Jenna transformed me into who I am today, but that’s not entirely accurate. I made those changes myself. What I want to emphasize is that as I grew, Jenna supported my journey, pushing me to aim higher whenever I started to falter. There were moments when I didn’t understand why she wanted me to strive for more, especially after I’d already made significant progress. But truthfully, if it weren’t for her elevated expectations and my determination to meet them, I wouldn’t be the father, husband, author, educator, and well-rounded individual I am now.
Jenna has consistently held high expectations for me, and I can confidently say they stem from two key aspects: her ability to see my potential even when I can’t and her desire for my growth for the betterment of our family.
However, I initially perceived her encouragement as nagging. Like many men, I mistook her aspirations for dissatisfaction with who I was. It wasn’t until I achieved more than I ever thought possible and reflected on my journey that I realized she was simply helping me elevate my standards.
This is where we all need to pause and reconsider our perception of the term “nagging.” The truth is, I will never fully meet all of Jenna’s expectations. This doesn’t imply that she thinks less of me or is unhappy with my achievements.
While this narrative may seem one-sided, it’s worth mentioning that I have also encouraged Jenna throughout our marriage. She completed her degree with my support and has blossomed into an exceptional teacher, mother, and wife. I want her to reach her fullest potential, just as she has for me.
Ultimately, isn’t that what marriage is truly about? It’s about two individuals coming together to uplift one another, striving to become more than they currently are. When framed this way, all those high expectations and perceived nagging become something profoundly beautiful. Growth isn’t always comfortable or welcomed, but when you look back, you can see that those gradual steps lead to remarkable outcomes.
So, the next time your partner has high expectations, recognize that it’s not a criticism but rather a loving gesture. It’s someone who sees a brighter future for you and is willing to help you achieve it. Truly, I can’t think of anything more loving than that.
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In summary, high expectations from your partner can be a source of growth and motivation. They reflect a desire for mutual improvement and can lead to a fulfilling and supportive relationship.