Whenever I find myself traveling and in need of a restroom, I’m starkly reminded of how rigidly gendered our public spaces are. As a nonbinary transgender individual who presents in a masculine way, I don’t neatly fit into the traditional categories of male or female. This reality makes the availability of gender-neutral bathrooms not just a convenience, but a necessity.
While larger venues such as airports and malls typically offer unisex or family restrooms, they often have just one or two available. When nature calls, I’m frequently faced with a difficult choice: wait for a gender-neutral option or use a restroom that doesn’t align with my identity. It’s a painful predicament that forces me to either conform to societal norms or risk feeling unsafe and unwelcome. This situation becomes even more complicated when I’m with my children.
My kids, aged 8 and 6, are remarkably perceptive about gender identities and have been raised to respect and understand mine. They’ve grown up with a parent who lives outside the traditional gender binary, which gives them a unique perspective. However, I’ve witnessed firsthand how societal pressures can impact their views. For instance, my son recently faced embarrassment when he was told to leave the women’s bathroom during a school field trip, simply because he wasn’t a girl. He was just looking for a place to relieve himself.
Despite being assigned female at birth, I spent nearly 40 years identifying as female. For the last 20 years, I’ve expressed my gender in a more masculine way, which has made using public restrooms a constant challenge. Even when I identified as female, I hesitated to use women’s restrooms due to the scrutiny and judgment I often faced. Strangers would openly question my presence, and children were quite vocal in their confusion about my gender.
Nowadays, I usually opt for the women’s restroom, especially in conservative areas, as it feels safer. The risk of potential harassment from a cisgender man is something I have to consider. Essentially, every bathroom visit turns into an interrogation where I feel compelled to validate my presence.
As my son grows older, his desire to use the men’s restroom has intensified. He no longer wants to enter the women’s restroom, and after being mocked by peers, he feels pressured to conform to traditional gender norms. He understands my nonbinary identity and has even suggested that I accompany him to the men’s bathroom. But my awareness of the risks involved in such choices makes it a tough call.
Just recently, while at a fast-food restaurant, my son insisted that I join him in the men’s bathroom. “You can use the boys’ bathroom! You’re both!” he declared. I knew he was right, yet my hesitation was palpable. I wanted to protect him, but I was also anxious about how others might react to my presence in a space I may not be “allowed” to inhabit.
I took a deep breath and led him into the restroom, hoping for the best. As we washed our hands, a man entered, and rather than risk a confrontation, I quickly guided my son out. This experience left me feeling frustrated and hurt, as it underscored how society often forces us into rigid categories that don’t reflect the complexities of our lives.
The need for more gender-neutral bathrooms is not just about convenience; it’s about safety, acceptance, and recognizing the diverse landscape of modern families. The lack of consideration for people who don’t fit neatly into binary categories affects not only individuals like me but also same-sex parents and families with children of different genders. The world needs to evolve to accommodate our shared human experience, making it easier for everyone to simply find a place to pee without fear or judgment.
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In summary, the push for more gender-neutral bathrooms is essential for promoting inclusivity and safety in public spaces. It addresses the challenges faced by nonbinary individuals and families navigating a world that often overlooks their needs. We all deserve the dignity of using a restroom without fear or embarrassment.