I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant, and if all goes smoothly, this will be our final addition to the family. We recently underwent a blood test that will reveal whether we’re having a son or a daughter, and I’m eagerly awaiting the results as I pen this.
With two boys already at home, everyone is curious if I’m hoping for a girl this time around. I often respond, “Of course, it would be wonderful to have a daughter, but I absolutely cherish my boys, and if we welcome another son, I will be just as thrilled!”
That’s the truth. I will be overjoyed to be a mother of three, regardless of the gender of this little one. I must confess, when I was pregnant with my second son, I secretly wished for a girl. However, the moment the ultrasound confirmed he was a boy, all those hopes faded. I realized that I didn’t want anyone other than the little one I was carrying. By 20 weeks, he had the most adorable chubby cheeks, and I couldn’t wait to shower him with love. When he finally arrived, I adored every part of him and never once wished he had been a girl.
Yet, I was aware that he wasn’t going to be our last child. We always envisioned having three kids, and now this baby is likely my only chance at raising a girl, a thought that weighs heavily on me.
I would feel a sense of disappointment if I never have a daughter. I hesitate to express this because I recognize that gender identity is complex, and the sex assigned at birth doesn’t always align with how someone identifies. Even if this child is designated female at birth, they might identify differently later on. Likewise, my sons, assigned “boy” at birth, may choose to identify as something else in the future. I fully support my children expressing their identities in whatever way feels authentic to them.
With approximately 3.5 billion women in the world, each has her own unique experience of womanhood. My daughter may not even identify as a woman; if that’s the case, I will wholeheartedly support her. In our home, everyone is encouraged to be their true selves. I want to be clear about that. I will always be loving, kind, and unwavering in my support of my children, no matter what.
I believe I can acknowledge the nuances of gender identity while still wishing for my baby to be a girl. It’s not that I didn’t want boys—I did, and I am immensely grateful for the two I have. In fact, had my second been a girl, I would have been hoping for another boy this time. I’ve always envisioned raising brothers.
If my life had taken a different path, I might have had more than three kids. However, my medical history restricts me to three. The anticipation of discovering the sex of this baby is tied to a whirlwind of emotions. Every time I have learned the gender of my baby, it has brought me to tears. Knowing the sex allows me to choose a name, which makes my baby feel more tangible.
This time, the emotional weight feels even heavier. If this baby isn’t my daughter, I might never have one. I won’t deny that the thought of dressing a little girl in cute outfits excites me. I relish all those “girly” things—makeup, dresses, and even the occasional rom-com. Just this morning, I had to resist the urge to buy a sparkly wine glass emblazoned with “Rosé all day.” First, I’m pregnant, and second, I don’t even drink rosé!
However, my desire for a daughter goes beyond just fun and frills. I long to experience the joys that come with raising a girl. I envision a little girl proving to her brothers that she can do anything they can. I want to witness her discovering her strength while also learning to ask for help when needed. When I think of my daughter, I picture her growing up, facing challenges, and navigating life’s ups and downs. I hope she’ll want to share those moments with me.
I don’t just want the baby clothes; I want the opportunity to nurture a strong, empowered woman. I know so many remarkable women who have inspiring stories to tell. I wish for my daughter to be part of that legacy, learning from our experiences and growing up confident in her abilities.
Now, all I can do is wait. When the blood test results arrive, I’ll discover whether to keep dreaming of a daughter or embrace my role as the mother of all boys. Should I have a third son, I will count myself incredibly fortunate. Living with PCOS, I remember the years filled with uncertainty about even having one child, let alone three beautiful boys. Yet, I can’t help but feel a twinge of wistfulness when I think about the possibility of raising a daughter—and I think that’s perfectly okay.
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Summary:
The journey of pregnancy can be filled with emotional complexities, especially when awaiting the gender of your last child. While the desire for a daughter comes with its unique hopes and dreams, parents also recognize the importance of supporting their children’s identities, regardless of gender. The wish to experience the joys and challenges of raising a girl can coexist with deep love for existing sons. Ultimately, the anticipation surrounding the baby’s gender highlights the profound emotional connections parents have with their children, no matter their sex.