While visiting the cemetery where my daughter rests may seem sorrowful, it has become an essential part of my grieving process. In the beginning, I found myself going several times a day. To some, this might appear unhealthy, but for me, it was a necessary form of coping.
Her final resting place is in a lovely section known as “Babyland,” perched atop a hill and surrounded by trees. The extent to which her grave is cared for is heartwarming; the groundskeeper’s wife, a close family friend, meticulously trims the grass around the tiny graves with scissors in areas unreachable by the mower. She is truly a blessing.
Before my daughter’s passing, I always felt uneasy in cemeteries. However, having her physical form laid to rest in one has shifted my entire view. I now see these places as reminders of love. Each headstone, whether adorned with flowers or not, signifies someone who was cherished. Regardless of their past, each individual was loved.
In the U.S., cemeteries have become somewhat of a taboo, regarded more as sites for solemn visits or funerals. In contrast, some cultures, such as during Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead), celebrate and honor the deceased. Interestingly, many cemeteries in places like Denver function as parks, and it’s worth noting that American cemeteries weren’t always silent sanctuaries.
During the 18th and 19th centuries, high mortality rates, particularly among children and mothers, meant that cemeteries served as communal spaces for shared grief. A historical account from a Grand Rapids newspaper in 1885 described a family who chose to celebrate Thanksgiving at their father’s grave, bringing food and a spirit lamp to share in their loss. The author observed their ability to find solace in a picnic amidst grief, a powerful reminder of how we process loss.
This approach to mourning aligns with the rural cemetery movement, which sought to transform cemeteries into beautiful, park-like spaces away from crowded urban environments. Keith Eggener, an American art and architecture scholar, notes that old church burial grounds were increasingly viewed as inadequate due to concerns over safety and disease.
As cemeteries evolved, they became inviting places with winding paths and scenic views, where gatherings could occur, from holiday celebrations to Sunday picnics. However, as their popularity grew, so did littering issues, prompting concerns from local authorities, who ultimately decided to turn a blind eye due to the joy these gatherings brought.
Today, while the custom of picnicking at gravesites has diminished, some cultures and individuals still find comfort in these visits. Whether it’s the serene environment for a reflective stroll or a place to remember loved ones, cemeteries can offer peace. It’s essential to approach these spaces with respect and care, ensuring that we honor those who came before us.
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In summary, my journey through grief has transformed my perception of cemeteries from eerie places to beautiful sanctuaries of love and remembrance. They are not merely sites of mourning but spaces where we can celebrate the lives of those we’ve lost.