Trigger Warning: Child Loss
Grief can create a barrier between people, especially when it involves the loss of a child. I often sense discomfort from those around me, as if they are afraid that I might mention my daughter who has passed away. Conversations are frequently redirected, making it unlikely to hear her name. When someone does mention her, I can see the awkwardness in their expressions, as if my grief is a burden they wish to avoid. Although they may not intend to cause pain, this discomfort is palpable and adds to the stigma surrounding child loss.
I’ve faced this reality since my daughter’s passing. Some “friends” and family members didn’t even attend her funeral. While some genuinely couldn’t make it due to distance and financial constraints, others didn’t bother to send even a simple message to express their condolences. I would have done the same for them if roles were reversed. To this day, I find it hard to forgive those who chose silence during such an unbearable time in my life.
The days following my daughter’s death were incredibly challenging, filled with an intensity of heartache that many can scarcely imagine. The absence of support from those I considered close friends and family felt as if they were diminishing the value of her life.
If there’s one thing you should take away from a grieving parent, it’s this: when someone you care about loses a child, you must reach out. Don’t shy away, even if you feel unsure of what to say. Be present for them, and don’t let fear of discomfort keep you silent.
I understand it’s difficult to confront child loss. For many, it’s so overwhelming that they instinctively place themselves in the shoes of the grieving parent, which can feel unbearable. No one wants to attend a child’s funeral; however, true friendship and family involve supporting one another through life’s most challenging moments. This support should not waver, especially when someone needs it the most.
Imagine if a loved one were in dire circumstances, bleeding out in the desert, with no one else around. Would you turn away? Or would you help them, despite the difficulty? Loss of a child should be treated with the same urgency.
Sometimes, a simple message like “I’m so sorry” can mean the world to someone mourning. It reminds them they are not alone in their grief and that there are people who care. Offering practical help, such as cleaning their home, providing meals, or taking care of surviving children, can also make a significant difference. After all, the entire family often suffers, and small acts of kindness can lift their spirits.
A grieving parent’s greatest fear is that their child will be forgotten. Your words and actions can prevent that fear from becoming a reality. If you care, continue to show up long after the funeral has passed.
If the news of a child’s death is too hard for you to handle, remember to consider the immense grief the parent is experiencing. They need your support more than ever. If you’re at a loss for words, it’s perfectly acceptable to admit that. It’s better to say something small than to say nothing at all during such sensitive times. Silence can be deafening, and it often feels selfish.
I understand the discomfort you may feel. I am nearly three years into my own grief, and I still struggle to find the right words when I hear of another parent’s loss. But simply being present can make a lasting impact, even when it seems small.
For more resources and support regarding child loss, visit our privacy policy page or learn more about your journey through the process at Make A Mom. The information provided by the CDC is also an excellent resource for those navigating grief and loss.
Summary
When someone you care about loses a child, don’t hesitate to reach out. Your support, whether through kind words or practical help, is invaluable during such a difficult time. Even if you don’t know what to say, being present can provide comfort. Remember, silence can be more painful than the discomfort of addressing grief.