By: J. Taylor
Updated: June 3, 2020
Originally Published: June 28, 2019
“I just had a thought,” my brother said, sitting across from me on the couch while cradling one of my children.
“What is it?” I inquired, feeling a bit anxious since he hadn’t spent much time with kids, and mine had been his trial run for the last three years. He had been there for the birth of my oldest and came over less than half a day after my second was born. This visit was the longest yet, and we were both starting to feel more at ease with his newfound role.
“I just realized that when people refer to ‘half-siblings,’ they’re talking about us since we only share a mother.”
“Don’t ever say that again,” I replied firmly. “We’re not half of anything. We’re siblings.”
The term “half-sibling” has always irked me. It made me reflect on the similarities between my kids, who have both a mother and father, and my brother and I, who share only a mother. I didn’t sense any disparity in our relationships. I noticed the same bickering, the same tattle-telling, and most importantly, the same deep affection.
I wish my children, who share both parents, steer clear of the label-obsessed mindset that frustrated me throughout my childhood.
To me, family is paramount—almost to a fault. My immediate family encompasses more than just my mother and brother; it includes my aunts, a couple of uncles, and both maternal grandparents, who have been constants in my life. Growing up, many people struggled to understand that my perception of family was valid, especially since it often didn’t include a father figure. That misunderstanding was infuriating, but one of the most annoying comments I would hear from other kids was calling my younger brother my “half-sibling” or suggesting he wasn’t my “real brother” simply because we didn’t share both parents.
Over the years, the term “half-sibling” has been relegated to my personal “never say this” list. It’s entirely off-limits.
While some families conform to the traditional nuclear model, there are countless others like mine who thrive outside those boundaries, where love and connection go beyond merely sharing both parents.
Some folks suggest that as “uterine siblings,” our bond may even be stronger. To quote a favorite show of mine, we’re in this “from the womb to the tomb.” However, it still stings when others try to fit us into a conventional mold. I refuse to allow anyone to downplay the meaningful relationship I have with my brother just because we share only one parent.
Fortunately, in recent years, more people have begun discussing the issues with labeling children as “half-siblings.” The significance of sibling relationships isn’t determined by the number of shared parents, but rather the connection that siblings cultivate together. There’s nothing “half” about the impact my brother has had on my life. Each time someone imposes outdated views of sibling relationships, it catches me off guard.
I can see why people feel the urge to categorize types of siblings. Historically, lineage has dictated the distribution of resources, particularly in European cultures, making it important to know who belongs to whom. However, the idea that “half-siblings” were less legitimate only served to stigmatize children rather than simplify familial relationships.
Labeling sibling relationships has only complicated the formation of bonds. Ironically, very few families still maintain the traditional nuclear structure that society often holds in higher regard, yet the terminology persists.
Adoption, surrogacy, in vitro fertilization, and multi-parent families are not to be feared; they should be celebrated. If the environment fosters healthy emotional development, that’s what truly matters.
My brother and I were naturally brought together because we share a mother, but our relationship has flourished over the years thanks to our mutual commitment to maintaining open communication—even when we stumble. A shared penchant for teasing our mother has also been the glue that binds us.
We’ve built our connection through shared experiences, countless laughs, and the occasional squabble over the past 21 years. My love for my brother is boundless, and nothing anyone says can alter that.
So the next time you feel compelled to label children as “half-siblings” or “real siblings” based merely on parentage, I encourage you to pause and reflect. It’s impossible to truly know the nature of siblings’ relationships without asking them directly. I don’t need anyone else’s validation to affirm the bond I share with my brother. We have the right to define that connection on our own terms.
For valuable insights on family dynamics and options, check out this resource. You can also explore this blog post for more information on parenting.
Summary:
The bond between siblings transcends traditional definitions and labels like “half-siblings.” Family connections are built on love and shared experiences rather than merely the number of parents. It’s essential to recognize and respect the diverse structures of families today, celebrating the relationships that matter most, regardless of how they are labeled.