“I’m sorry, Mom,” my daughter said, holding out a paper to me. It was her latest spelling test, marked with a C- at the top. “I really tried,” she said, her eyes welling with tears.
Despite her efforts over the past few months practicing her spelling words for school and homework, her results weren’t reflecting her hard work. Spelling was a challenge for her. No matter how much she practiced, she returned home with papers filled with red ink.
I looked her in the eyes and said, “You have nothing to apologize for. Do you understand?” She nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks. “In this family, what matters is that you do your best. You did, and I’m incredibly proud of you.” I embraced her tightly and handed her a tissue, adding, “It takes real courage to keep trying, even when things are tough.”
This is a conversation I don’t need to have with my son, as girls often feel the need to apologize more frequently. They’re expected to embody the notion of being sweet, polite, and pleasing—whatever that means.
Challenging these societal norms can be exhausting, but it is essential. Actress Mia Johnson understands this struggle. In a red-carpet interview, she advised, “I keep telling my daughter to stop saying sorry.” Mia’s daughter, eight-year-old Lily, was adopted and has attended many glamorous events with her mother. Even with a mother who dominates in public spaces, she still needs that reassurance.
Essentially, girls must learn that it’s completely fine to not feel sorry for standing their ground. Mia encouraged women to embrace their strength and assert their presence without any apologies. She emphasized, “We deserve to be heard and to occupy space in any situation.” If even a trailblazer like Mia has to remind her daughter of this important lesson, then we all need to consider it.
Many of us grew up with similar pressures. Even if our parents didn’t explicitly tell us to be kind and accommodating, society certainly did. I recall watching The Little Mermaid, where King Triton repeatedly expressed disappointment in Ariel for not fulfilling expectations. She often found herself apologizing, trying to gain her father’s approval as she navigated her teenage years.
It’s a cycle that perpetuates the belief that girls must seek validation and apologize for their choices. Mia reminds us that it’s time for girls and women to break free from the habit of saying “my bad” at every turn.
Celebrities like Serena Williams don’t apologize for excelling in sports while balancing their family life. Chrissy Teigen doesn’t feel the need to apologize for her parenting choices, and Mindy Kaling isn’t obligated to disclose personal details about her life just to satisfy others.
While these women have fame and influence, they are still real mothers raising daughters. It’s crucial for our girls to understand that they don’t need to apologize for being themselves. They deserve to take up space, to choose their interests, and to feel proud of their bodies and abilities without feeling the need to justify or apologize for their choices.
In fact, my daughters have faced moments where others expected them to shrink back and apologize for simply being themselves. For instance, my youngest opts for swim trunks because they are more comfortable for her than a flashy bikini. I’ve supported her choice by purchasing a matching shark-themed set for her pool outings.
When adults question her choice of swimwear, I firmly remind them that she has nothing to be ashamed of. The discomfort lies with those who judge, not with my child.
On another occasion, while shopping, an employee misguidedly directed my daughter toward the doll aisle, believing she should prefer traditional toys. I stood my ground, explaining that my daughter was perfectly happy choosing a superhero figure with her own money.
Our daughters must realize that they can confidently express their preferences, pursue hobbies typically deemed masculine, and embrace their unique identities without feeling the need to apologize.
Mia Johnson’s wise parenting advice serves as a powerful reminder: we should encourage our girls to shine without reservation. For more insights on navigating motherhood and empowering our daughters, you can check out one of our other blog posts here.
In summary, it is essential to teach our daughters that they don’t need to apologize for their individuality and choices. They should feel empowered to express themselves without fear of judgment.