When I pick them up from school, it’s a consistent routine with no last-minute detours. I return home to either cook dinner or pop something in the microwave at the same time each evening. Family dinner is a must for me; it’s our time to reconnect, even if we gather around the kitchen island for just 20 minutes.
After dinner, I jot down appointments, practices, and games for the next day, ensuring the kids assist in laying out what they’ll need. We all know that mornings can be chaotic, and if we don’t prepare ahead of time, it just results in more stress for me.
This level of planning often drives my children crazy. They think I’m obsessed with our routines and that I’m too strict about dinner togetherness and limiting spontaneous plans. However, for me, it’s a form of self-preservation. I know my limits, and if I stretch myself too thin, it can negatively impact my relationship with them without me even realizing it. My time with them is invaluable, so maintaining structure is essential.
Bedtime is another area where I’m strict. When they don’t get enough sleep, their behavior suffers, and as a single mom, dealing with difficult kids without a partner can spiral into chaos. I grocery shop every Sunday, so if they don’t communicate their food preferences before then, those items won’t make it into the cart. They often express their frustration, but I simply can’t handle daily grocery runs.
My three kids may dislike my structured approach and the predictability of our schedule, but it’s the only way I’ve learned to navigate life as a divorced, working mother. Without this structure, I’d feel lost. The leader of the household can’t afford to lose their way.
I depend on my routine like I depend on my daily cup of coffee; it revitalizes me and reassures me that everything will be alright when life feels overwhelming. My schedule has yet to fail me, and as the solo parent outnumbered three to one, I cling to what I can control amidst the chaos. The thought of facing challenges alone is daunting.
If a problem arises, I’m the one who must address it. If one of my kids has a rough day at school, I need to be there for them. If we want food in the house, I’m the one who must buy it. Add in the complexity of three teenagers’ schedules, and it’s easy for things to become unmanageable. Having a solid schedule gives me a sense of stability in the midst of the madness.
Perhaps one day they will appreciate it. Maybe I’ll feel secure enough to loosen my grip on the routine and embrace more spontaneity. But today is not that day. My structured approach has been my anchor through my divorce and the subsequent changes in our lives. They can grumble all they want, but I know they’d miss their favorite meals and social engagements if I didn’t stick to the plan.
Kids thrive on routine and structure, even if they don’t realize it. More importantly, they need a mother who is present and aware of her surroundings. I need to be able to make decisions that impact our family’s long-term well-being, as I know all too well how challenging it is to pick up the pieces alone.
So, I will continue to adhere to my schedule. It’s one thing I have control over, and no amount of whining will change my mind.
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Summary:
Being a divorced mom has taught me the importance of maintaining a structured routine to manage daily life with my kids. With careful planning, we connect over family dinners, prepare for the next day, and navigate the complexities of our schedules. While my children may resist the rigidity of our routine, I know it’s essential for our well-being and stability. My approach serves as a lifesaver, allowing me to manage the chaos and ensure that I’m present for my kids.