While we cherish the amazing fathers in our lives, let’s not undermine mothers by spreading misinformation. Father’s Day is a lovely occasion to express gratitude to the wonderful dads we know—through heartfelt cards, thoughtful gifts, and joyous gatherings. However, Ross Douthat, a columnist for the New York Times, seized the moment to assert that dads, despite contributing less household labor, are actually doing more overall than moms. Let’s just say, it didn’t land well.
This opinion piece, titled “Can Dads Have It All?” was published on Father’s Day, even though it’s hard to believe the publication didn’t receive better submissions. It features an image of a man multitasking with a baby while folding laundry, suggesting the mother is off somewhere relaxing.
Douthat starts by acknowledging that he receives more praise as a father than his wife does and concedes that women typically handle more chores. But then he drops this nugget: “Yes, fathers still do much less work around the house than moms, even when both spouses hold down paying jobs. But when you tally up housework, paid work, and childcare, married fathers today are doing slightly more work than married mothers.” He even claims that this division of labor is a “reasonable balance.”
Prepare for this: he suggests that the childcare crisis could be alleviated if parents weren’t so anxious about letting their kids play outside unsupervised.
After venting our frustrations into our pillows for a moment (but not too long, since the dishes won’t wash themselves), we have a few counterpoints to consider.
Questionable Research
First off, the research Douthat cites is suspect. It comes from the Institute for Family Studies, a conservative organization linked to individuals with a history of anti-LGBT stances and funded by entities opposing same-sex rights. So, it’s hardly a neutral source. The research indicates that dads perform about one hour less of work weekly compared to moms but excludes significant tasks like grocery shopping (because, apparently, grocery shopping is just a leisurely stroll?). The study also admits that men enjoy significantly more leisure time, while women are often left juggling the invisible tasks that don’t get accounted for. In short: the study is flawed and doesn’t provide a complete picture.
Moreover, countless studies illustrate just how overworked mothers are compared to fathers, and that’s putting it mildly. If you’re curious about the numbers, they’re easy to find.
Overlooking Key Issues
Additionally, Douthat’s article overlooks the wage gap between genders and how that influences who works outside the home and how domestic responsibilities are shared. It also fails to address the fact that men are often promoted more frequently and occupy higher-level positions due to systemic sexism—essentially forcing women into caregiving roles.
What’s more, the piece neglects to mention the emotional labor that many mothers bear daily. If you’re unsure what that means, just ask your partner about your children’s shoe sizes or when they last volunteered in a classroom. Moms frequently take on invisible tasks that fathers often overlook or deem unimportant.
Misunderstanding the Childcare Crisis
As for the notion that the childcare crisis stems from fears of allowing children to play unsupervised, that’s a gross simplification. Many parents—especially moms—are grappling with the harsh reality of exorbitant childcare costs, which often leads to tough decisions about returning to work.
And perhaps it’s not the best approach to tell women they aren’t doing enough, especially on Father’s Day.
Social media users, including celebrities and everyday folks, were quick to criticize Douthat’s stance, emphasizing the need for a more equitable understanding of parenting responsibilities.
This isn’t the first time Douthat has made headlines for controversial opinions. We recommend skipping his piece altogether. One reader even suggested a more constructive alternative.
Further Reading
For more insights into parenting and home insemination methods, check out this post on our other blog, Intracervical Insemination. For a reliable source on at-home insemination kits, visit Make a Mom. If you’re looking for comprehensive information on pregnancy, CCRM IVF is an excellent resource.
In summary, while Father’s Day is a time to honor dads, it shouldn’t be at the expense of moms. Misleading claims about parenting roles only serve to perpetuate stereotypes and distract from the real challenges that families face today.