Recently, while camping with a friend, he shared that he couldn’t recall the last time he and his wife went to bed at different times. It struck me, as I replied, “I can’t remember the last time my wife and I did sleep together!” He looked at me with concern, as if my wife Kate and I were leading separate lives.
Thinking back, I can’t pinpoint when our bedtime routines diverged. Early in our marriage, we would always turn in together. At that time, I was more inclined to stay up late. Now, in my late 30s, balancing a full-time university job and a part-time writing gig, I rise at the crack of dawn. Staying up past 10 p.m. has become a rare and frustrating occurrence for me.
Of course, I can pull an all-nighter if necessary—whether it’s to care for a sick child, finish an urgent project, or tackle the never-ending laundry pile. But on normal nights, I prefer to hit the hay early. As I write this, it’s just before 6 a.m. and I relish the solitude of the morning. It may sound cliché, but going to bed early feels like reversing the concept of sleeping in—less glamorous, but immensely satisfying.
In contrast, my wife Kate is a true night owl. I’ve lost track of her bedtime rituals since I’m usually fast asleep by the time she winds down. She might stay up until 11 p.m., midnight, or even later, engrossed in movies, grading papers, or simply enjoying her own space. If she has an early morning, she’s just as grumpy as I am when I’m forced to stay up late.
There was a time when Kate’s late nights annoyed me. We’d wake up early for various commitments, and she’d lament her late bedtime while I questioned why she didn’t turn in earlier. However, the dynamic shifted. Instead of squabbling over our different schedules, we began to support one another. I now go to bed by 10 p.m. (or earlier if possible), and when a child stirs for water or something else, Kate takes care of it, allowing me to stick to my preferred schedule. In the mornings, I take a break from writing to help get the kids settled and fed while Kate catches a few extra z’s.
In many ways, we function like coworkers on opposite shifts—she’s on the night shift, and I’m on days. While it may not sound romantic, in the world of parenting, there’s something incredibly appealing about having a partner who manages the kids so you can rest. After years of sleepless nights due to parenting’s challenges, I’ve come to cherish sleep, and the fact that Kate and I can give that to each other is truly a blessing.
I’d love to drift off next to my wife and I’m sure she feels the same way. However, our differing sleep schedules work well for us. We support each other and find comfort in our routine. We still connect during the day, and who knows how our habits will change once the kids are older? Maybe I’ll turn into a night owl like Kate or she might embrace early mornings. For now, we’ve accepted our preferences and learned to collaborate, ensuring we each get the rest we need.
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Summary
This article explores the dynamics of a relationship where one partner is an early riser and the other a night owl. It highlights how the couple adapts to their differing schedules by supporting one another, allowing for a harmonious balance in their parenting and marital life.