Dear Creator of Stick Figure Family Car Decals,
At any red light, I find myself entertained by the fascinating details of the life of the person in front of me. Apparently, the driver is vacationing in the Hamptons, adores her golden retriever, and boasts about her child’s academic prowess at Maple Leaf Academy. How delightful!
Thanks to your quirky creation, I can now fill in all the blanks: Her name is Marissa, her husband is Jake, their son is little Max, and the dog is named Buddy. Oh, and guess what? They’re expecting a daughter soon! Marissa enjoys baking, Max is a budding soccer star, and Jake seems to have a penchant for toting around his laptop bag.
Can we please put an end to this sticker madness? Instead of discussing optimal sticker placement (you know, that prime bottom corner of the back window), it’s high time we call it quits on this childish trend. It’s been running rampant for far too long, and honestly, it feels like a scam targeting tired parents who have lost their grip on style.
Let’s be real—it’s just silly and can even be dangerous. Yes, I said dangerous. This sticker phenomenon is like handing out a map to crazies! “Hey there, stranger behind me! I’m Linda, a single mom who loves her wine while my son Charlie plays with his action figures. Feel free to follow me home—just don’t worry about our guard dog, as you can see, we only have a pet hamster named Nibbles!”
This is a risky business, but I get it: you wanted to carve out your niche in a crowded market. Kudos on finding success in the mom-mobile world! I hope you’re enjoying the fruits of your labor while sipping an umbrella drink in some sunny locale, because it would drive me nuts to learn this is just a side gig and all proceeds are going to a cat rescue in Idaho.
A car should evoke a sense of maturity. After tying the knot and raising a small army of children, the last thing anyone wants is to turn into a minivan-driving billboard. Seriously, do you think women want to be defined by their maternal status through stick figures? We’re all too aware of the chaos inside—a frazzled driver in yoga pants who probably hasn’t showered in days, crammed with car seats, empty snack bags, and a cacophony of animated films blaring in the back. Why would anyone want to advertise that?
Speaking of chaos, I’m curious if you have any ties to other “creative” car accessories like Truck Nutz or Reindeer Ears? They seem to fit your vibe! Also, are you a man or a woman? If you’re a guy, is this some kind of inside joke? If you’re a lady, what were you thinking?
So, whoever you are, know that while I may envy your bank account, I absolutely detest your invention. You’ve done a disservice to our society, ranking right up there with bottomless soda refills and jeggings.
Take your Stick Figures and stick ‘em where they belong.
Warm regards,
Lisa Moore
P.S. If you’re interested in other parenting topics, you might enjoy our piece on home insemination, where we explore various methods and tips for aspiring parents. Check it out here!
Summary: This humorous letter addresses the creator of stick figure family car decals, expressing disdain for the trend while highlighting its absurdity and potential risks. The writer emphasizes the chaotic reality of parenthood and questions the motivations behind such decals.