As a parent, I count myself lucky that my children have their own bathroom. However, stepping into that space is often a shock to the senses; it’s hard to believe anyone could feel relaxed in such chaos. The other day, as I passed by, I was greeted by a sight that made my stomach turn: dirty clothes and towels strewn across the floor, a few sheets of toilet paper rolling about, and an empty roll resting in the corner. Oh, and let’s not forget the toothpaste splattered on the window and shower curtain.
Meanwhile, my three delightful kids were downstairs, engrossed in a show, laughing together. Before I knew it, I found myself yelling up the stairs, “Hey, can you do me a favor and clean your bathroom? It’s not exactly a healthy environment up there!”
As they trudged upstairs, looking as if they were on their way to a dentist appointment, it hit me that asking them to clean their bathroom for my sake was misguided—especially since I don’t even use that space. I was inadvertently implying that their messy bathroom was solely my problem.
Sure, I feel a sense of relief when things are tidy. But witnessing a space meant for cleanliness turned into a disaster area elevates my anxiety levels. Just thinking about it makes my toes curl! I recognize that my kids are not wired like me; they can easily focus on their games and homework, even amidst the clutter. My youngest, in particular, seems to thrive in chaos, surrounded by toys and dishes without a care in the world.
For them, hanging up towels or cleaning up sticky messes is not a priority. They can navigate a sea of shoes and bags with their eyes glued to their phones, completely unfazed. You’d think at least one of them would inherit my tidiness, but no luck there!
The truth is, our approaches to cleanliness are worlds apart. They often remind me to lighten up about household messes, just as I continuously urge them to tidy up after themselves. Somewhere along the line, my method of encouraging them to clean up became flawed.
Instead of emphasizing the importance of keeping our shared space clean as a matter of respect and decency, I’ve framed it as a favor. I’ll ask them to “do me a favor” by putting away their dishes or taking out overflowing trash. In their minds, they’re just helping me, not taking responsibility for their own messes.
Sure, sometimes they’ll pitch in, especially if they feel guilty after a rough day or I’ve had to take away their phones. But that’s not the right dynamic. I need to change how I communicate this to them.
They inhabit this space just as much as I do. They create bigger messes than anyone I know! I provide them with nice things, and it really doesn’t take much effort on their part to clean up. I realize now that taking care of shared spaces is part of living together. It’s about being considerate, not just about alleviating my stress.
By continuing to frame cleaning as something they do for my benefit, I’ve inadvertently suggested they need a reason beyond “it’s the right thing to do.” When they eventually leave home, they can live however they like, but the thought of them living in a mess is daunting. I want to instill in them the habit of cleanliness for their own sake, not just for me.
In the end, they need to understand that keeping their environment clean benefits everyone, not just their mother.
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In summary, it’s vital for me to shift the dialogue around cleaning. I need to empower my kids to take responsibility for their space, not just for my sake, but for their own growth and the well-being of our home.