Updated: Feb. 19, 2021
Originally Published: Aug. 14, 2015
I discovered the art of hustle at the roller rink. And no, not that kind of hustle—get your mind out of the gutter! I mean the dance. For those of you who weren’t around, the Hustle was a groovy dance that we used to break out in the middle of the rink, skates tossed aside, until the referees got fed up and insisted we either skate or leave. Referees could be such buzzkills—unless they were named Eric; those guys were always chill.
RELATED: 10 Roller Skates That Prove Summer’s Biggest Trend Is For Moms Too
We all fancied ourselves great skaters back then, didn’t we? We would jam to “Jungle Boogie” and twirl around to “Wildfire.” If you’re younger, maybe you were busting moves to Snoop Dogg or the Spice Girls. Honestly, ours was more fun, no contest.
Reflecting on those days, I learned a crucial lesson as an adult: just because something was a blast in your youth doesn’t mean it won’t be a total drag when you’re grown up.
Imagine thinking that a skating outing with your preteen would be a great idea. Not only would it be a fun bonding experience, but your kid would also be super impressed with your moves. Picture their faces when you show off your skills—cool mom status achieved! But reality hits hard before you even lace up those skates. They reek of a strange mix of saltwater, cheap nacho chips, and well… you get the idea.
And let me tell you, the floor is way slicker than you remember. You might recall gliding around the rink for hours as a kid, cheeks flushed with joy. Now? After one shaky lap, your face resembles an overripe tomato, and sweat is doing its best to make a home in your clothing.
As you ponder whether your feet might be permanently marred by skate funk, the harsh truth dawns: cool mom status is slipping away. You’ll likely find yourself parked in an orange plastic booth, munching on stale nachos—without even a jalapeño in sight. Before long, tortilla chips in your cleavage will be the least of your concerns.
Do you remember the thrill of the couples skate? The lights would dim, girls lined up against the wall, while boys skated by, leaving you with that heart-pounding fear of being left out. Then, Johnny—the most coveted boy at the rink—would stop in front of you and offer his hand. You’d glide together for two whole songs, sweaty palms and all, feeling like the queen of the rink.
As a mom, watching your daughter go through that same experience is a whole different ball game. Now you’re left wondering why the girls are being chosen instead of it being a mutual decision. Shouldn’t that be a lesson we teach our daughters? And the last thing you want is for her to feel the sting of rejection. Doubt creeps in, sending you back to the snack bar for a soft pretzel and an overly sugary blue slushy.
Next thing you know, you’re watching your daughter skate with some boy who likely doesn’t appreciate her the way she deserves. You feel her anxiety about rejection while wishing for the carefree days of your youth—not to mention questioning every wardrobe choice she’s made. In a moment of desperation, you consider how much easier life would be if you’d just skipped potty training altogether.
You remember those exhilarating nights at the rink, where the fun never seemed to end. But now, as an adult, it takes just 90 minutes for the sweat and blaring Top 40 hits to make you want to declare war on the place like a rock star gone wild.
On the ride home, when your daughter and her friends dive into conversations, blissfully unaware of your presence, you feel both amused and horrified. Despite the chaos, you can sense their joy and excitement, counting the outing as a success—albeit not one you’re eager to repeat anytime soon.
But just when you think you’re off the hook, your daughter suggests a hip hop concert. What better way to reclaim that cool mom title than by diving into the world of hip hop? No stinky rental skates required! And hey, that last Disney pop star concert wasn’t too bad. How much worse could a hip hop show be?
This article originally published on Aug. 14, 2015.
If you want to dive deeper into the world of parenting, check out this post on home insemination here. You can also explore ways to boost fertility at Make a Mom. For additional information on pregnancy and home insemination, this resource offers excellent insights.
Summary:
This humorous piece reflects on the experience of returning to a roller rink as an adult, juxtaposing the carefree joy of childhood with the realities of parenting. The author navigates the challenges of watching their daughter skate while grappling with the nostalgia of their own youth, all while recognizing that some experiences don’t translate well into adulthood. Despite the chaos, the outing ultimately brings laughter and connection, leading to thoughts of even cooler adventures ahead.