Now that I’m over 50, I could easily find myself shaking my head at the parenting styles of the younger generations. However, I have to admit, my admiration for millennial dads is quite strong. And no, it’s not in that way (sorry, fellas! It’s the beards that throw me off—facial hair was a major no-no back in the ’80s, and I can’t seem to let go of that!). What truly captivates me about millennial dads is their fresh approach to parenting.
Last year, I had the opportunity to moderate a forum for junior associates at work to discuss how leadership could assist in their career growth. When the topic of after-work networking events came up, several young parents—a group that included dads—quickly dismissed the idea. They explained that their responsibilities included picking up kids and preparing dinner. Those young dads were putting their families first.
Recently, while grabbing my morning coffee, I overheard two fathers animatedly discussing their preschoolers’ elaborate bedtime rituals. Their conversation lifted my spirits just like my double latte was about to do. It wasn’t merely the details about Daniel Tiger following bathtime or the specifics of bedtime snacks that made me smile; it was the fact that they were sharing these moments with each other—without any moms around. This was a dad-to-dad dialogue, reminiscent of the Bechdel test for films, where two women discuss something other than a man.
Everywhere I look, millennial dads are stepping up their game. I’ve witnessed fathers engage in light conversation about helping their daughters choose outfits for school or apologizing during conference calls for their kids’ loud interruptions, like “DADDY WHERE’S MY TUTU?!!!” (We paused the meeting until he found it for her.)
While I might just be surrounded by particularly progressive dads, I’ve noticed a broader trend. My youngest is finishing her last year of elementary school, and over the last 15 years since my oldest started kindergarten, I’ve seen an increase in dad involvement at school. More fathers are rushing to pick up their kids, whether in work attire or sweats, checking their phones while retrieving infants from car seats, and volunteering for field trips or class parties during the day.
Of course, I know that anecdotes don’t always represent the whole picture. Research indicates that since the 1960s, fathers have tripled the time they spend on childcare—though mothers have, too. A recent study revealed that about a quarter of fathers in science and tech fields experienced career setbacks due to parenting demands, compared to half of mothers.
So, while I applaud millennial dads—at least to some extent—I must also recognize my Gen X male peers who paved the way for them. While many Boomer dads may not have changed a diaper, Gen X fathers took on that challenge, attending lactation classes, carrying babies in Bjorns, and jogging with strollers. But as any mom will tell you, that’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to parenting responsibilities.
Now, I’m thrilled to see fathers truly leveling up. In conversations with these younger dads, I’ve learned that many are actively engaged—reading preschool newsletters, keeping track of immunizations, and even organizing birthday parties. However, I realize I might be giving them extra credit for tasks that moms have always handled. It’s reminiscent of how invisible I felt grocery shopping with three kids under five, while my husband would be treated like a superhero when he did the same.
If equal parenting is the goal, it’s evident that millennial dads still have some distance to cover. For instance, they often enjoy the glory of parenting—taking kids on fun outings while moms handle the less glamorous tasks, like preparing healthy meals that often face complaints. It’s no wonder that dads tend to find more joy and less stress in parenting.
As my grandmother wisely said, “Many hands make light work.” As fathers increasingly contribute to all aspects of parenting, moms find just a bit more breathing room. We still have a long way to go, but as a gray-haired Gen-Xer, I’m starting to take a more optimistic view: progress, no matter how small, is still progress. Much like the first flowers peeking through after a long winter, these signs of improvement hint that brighter days are ahead.
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In summary, the evolution of millennial dads in parenting reflects changing norms and expanding roles that can offer moms a little more space to thrive.