Anxiety has been a part of my life since my late teens, though for years I failed to identify it correctly. I attributed my feelings of unease to external pressures—be it academic stress, family health issues, or various life challenges. Although I sought therapy occasionally, those sessions mainly addressed specific problems rather than recognizing deeper, recurring patterns.
The turning point came after the birth of my second child at thirty. The arrival of two little ones made me feel utterly overwhelmed, to the point where I dreaded simple tasks like going downstairs with them, fearing a catastrophic fall. When bedtime didn’t go as planned, and both kids weren’t asleep by 7:30 PM, I would berate myself, feeling like a failure. Realizing this cycle was harmful not just to me but to my daughters prompted me to seek therapy again. This time, the diagnosis was clear: Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), characterized by a constant tendency to worry—even in the absence of real threats.
For the past two and a half years, I’ve put in considerable effort to manage this mental health challenge. I’ve committed to regular therapy, established firm boundaries, embraced yoga, and even started taking anti-anxiety medication. Yet, the struggle persists—I still wake up feeling anxious, often before I even open my eyes. Some days, an unsettling tightness grips my chest, reminding me of my ongoing battle.
What weighs heavily on my mind, even after all my efforts, is the fear of passing this anxiety onto my children. GAD has a genetic aspect, and I’ve learned that both my father and grandfather faced similar issues. Now, I worry about the potential impact on my three beautiful kids; it terrifies me to think there’s little I can do to prevent it.
Just this morning, as I left for work, I contemplated which of my children might one day grapple with anxiety. While driving my eldest, a bright and cheerful kindergartner, I was reminded of the importance of self-care when she helped me remember to take my medication. Her suggestion to create a daily checklist for this task was a testament to her budding problem-solving skills, leaving me in awe of her intelligence.
Dropping her off at school, I felt a familiar surge of anxiety as I watched her struggle to unbuckle herself from the car seat, worrying about the impatience of those in line behind us. I tried to mask my stress, but my heart raced as I noticed a security officer at the school entrance, a sobering reminder of the world we live in.
Despite these worries, I consciously strive to raise my children differently than I was raised. I prioritize emotional literacy, encouraging them to recognize and articulate their feelings. When my son expresses anger, I respond with empathy, validating his emotions: “You sound really frustrated!” I take ownership of my reactions, acknowledging when I’ve raised my voice instead of deflecting blame. I proactively teach them coping strategies, guiding them through breathing exercises when they feel overwhelmed.
Moreover, I demonstrate self-care practices by incorporating yoga and healthy choices into our lives. This approach serves a dual purpose: it helps create an environment less conducive to anxiety and equips my children with essential tools for managing their emotions. In a sense, my own experiences with anxiety have empowered me to cultivate resilience in my children.
In reflecting on this journey, I find myself grateful for the lessons learned through my struggles. Without facing my anxiety, I might never have developed the skills necessary to support my children. I can only hope that these efforts will be sufficient to shield them from the shadows of anxiety.
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Summary:
This article explores the author’s personal journey with anxiety, highlighting the challenges of parenting while managing Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). It discusses the fear of passing anxiety onto her children, the proactive steps taken to create a supportive environment, and the importance of teaching emotional literacy and coping mechanisms. The narrative emphasizes the transformative power of self-awareness and resilience in parenting.