It’s hard to believe that your college journey is just around the corner. Your father and I have been preparing for this milestone, but that doesn’t make saying goodbye any easier. It has been a privilege to guide you through your first 18 years.
While I’m excited for you and this new adventure, I can’t help but feel the emptiness you’ll leave behind. I’ll truly miss the throngs of friends who would come over to lounge on our couches and raid our pantry. With the amount of food they consumed, I could have charged more than a budget hotel on a busy weekend!
I’ll also miss those late-night mattress tag sessions with you when you decided to push your curfew. I enjoyed anxiously checking my phone for texts and keeping an ear out for any news updates. You’ve certainly kept my life interesting with your escapades, like that time you sped through a school zone or hopped on a bus to a theme park without telling me. Honestly, those heart-stopping moments taught me just how quickly gray hairs can be hidden under a fresh coat of dye.
You’ve always kept me on my toes, especially with your unique approach to household chores—like the algae garden in the shower or the mystery smells coming from under your bed. Without the usual chaos, I might just have enough time to transform our empty nest into a llama sanctuary!
Before the moving day frenzy begins, I want to share some last words of wisdom:
Eat a balanced diet.
Make sure to hit the salad bar more than once a week to offset all the burgers and pizza you’ll likely indulge in. Pack some peanut butter and bread, just in case the cafeteria’s special is something truly adventurous like calf liver.
Practice good hygiene.
Don’t skip showers and douse yourself in body spray! Antibacterial soap exists for a reason. Keep Q-tips handy—trust me, girls will notice if you’re sporting earplugs made of sweet potatoes. And please, brush and floss your teeth regularly; your smile shouldn’t look like it’s wearing a sweater. And trim those toenails, unless you want to start a hobbit-themed commune.
Be respectful to others.
Mind the campus noise rules. Just because you have speakers the size of small cars doesn’t mean you can blast music loud enough to wake the dead. If the bass is shaking the paint off your walls, it’s time to turn it down. And remember, no matter how hungry you are, entering every eating contest is not a good way to make friends in a small dorm room.
Approach relationships thoughtfully.
While abstaining from sex is the safest option, if you do decide to be intimate, please use condoms responsibly. And for the love of all that’s holy, don’t blow them up like balloons; it won’t impress anyone.
Stand firm against peer pressure.
Don’t fall for dares that leave you regretting your life choices, like downing shots of hot sauce. Trust me, nobody wants to be known as the freshman who spent the night in the bathroom shouting “Fire in the hole!”
Appreciate what you have.
It’s easy to envy friends with shiny new cars, but remember, there’s no shame in rolling around in a 1999 Honda Odyssey as long as it gets you where you need to go.
Manage your finances.
If your spending on beer is more than your tuition, you might want to reconsider your priorities.
Keep your living space tidy.
Make sure to take out the trash regularly. Old pizza crusts under the bed are not the ideal way to attract friends. And if your bathroom resembles a science experiment gone wrong, it’s time to roll up your sleeves and clean it up.
Prioritize your studies.
This is your main job right now; partying comes second. Otherwise, flunking out will be the least of your worries.
Don’t rush into relationships.
Enjoy the freedom of dating and take your time finding the right partner. You don’t want to end up at a drive-thru wedding chapel after a few rounds of tequila with someone you barely know.
Be prepared for anything.
Stock up on hangover essentials like Gatorade and aspirin, and always have a pillow with you; you never know when you’ll end up crashing at a friend’s place.
Avoid reckless behavior.
If you think racing office chairs down a highway is a good idea, don’t expect me to come bail you out. Remember, it’s all fun and games until someone sets the Dean’s lawn on fire.
Treasure your true friends.
These are the ones who will rescue you at 5 a.m. from a dive bar and won’t spill the beans about any embarrassing moments you had that night.
Keep your sense of humor.
If you wake up to find your room covered in Post-it notes or your car wrapped in bubble wrap, just laugh it off. Your roommates will learn the meaning of karma soon enough!
Your father and I are so proud of you and can’t wait to see you embrace your independence. Remember, we love you dearly and believe in your judgment. But if you do find yourself in a bind, like with a flame thrower on the Dean’s lawn, call your siblings to help. We’ll be busy running with the bulls at the AARP convention in Kalamazoo!
For more insights on navigating new experiences, check out our post on home insemination or visit Make a Mom for expert resources. The NHS also offers great information on related topics.
In summary, as you step into this exciting new chapter, remember to prioritize your health, maintain good hygiene, manage your finances wisely, and cherish your friendships. Embrace every experience with an open heart and a sense of humor.