When I received my credit card statement last spring, a wave of anxiety washed over me. The amount was staggering—far above my usual spending—and I felt a knot form in my stomach as I scrutinized the total. Ugh, bills and financial responsibilities—who enjoys that? The dramatic sigh I released as I tossed the statement onto my desk was only a slight exaggeration, I promise.
No, I hadn’t indulged in a shopping spree or booked an extravagant vacation; I wish it had been that simple. Instead, I had accumulated a hefty Visa bill covering two months of summer camp for my two kids, who can’t seem to manage without supervision during school breaks.
As a devoted parent, I prioritize arranging childcare rather than leaving my children unsupervised during holidays. In my area, summer camp fees run about $225 weekly per child (not including extended hours). With summer break stretching over eight weeks and my husband and I taking two weeks off, that leaves six weeks to fill with paid childcare that is safe, convenient, and enriching. No problem, right?
Last spring, I explored various options, sought recommendations from friends and other parents, created a detailed schedule, and ended up spending thousands on camp fees. Bring on summer! (And by the way, in a society as advanced (albeit flawed) as ours, why do we lack more affordable childcare options? And why is summer break a lengthy eight weeks?)
While I thought camp fees and outdated school schedules would be the extent of my frustrations, I was mistaken. Another hurdle surfaced: Justifying My Role Outside the Home.
I am a parent and a professional. My husband shares this duality. Yet, in the eyes of many, we remain unequal. Our home and work responsibilities are not viewed with the same significance, and I often find myself perceived as “choosing” to work, while my husband is simply seen as having a job.
As a feminist, I’m not surprised by this dynamic. This is a long-standing issue. I recognize that I will be seen primarily as a mother, with my career as a secondary concern. My husband is considered the primary earner, while my work is often dismissed as supplementary. Look at me, with my adorable little job, contributing! Meanwhile, my husband receives accolades for his basic parenting efforts—wow, isn’t he helpful?
On PA days or when one of our children falls ill, it is generally assumed that I will stay home while my husband continues working. In truth, we alternate this responsibility—but my husband is often hailed as a saint for his involvement.
Then, a family member casually posed a shocking question during a conversation about summer camp costs: “Is it even worth it for you to work?”
Taken aback, I later heard similar sentiments from friends and relatives. Each time, I brushed off the question, but it lingered in my mind. “Is it worth it for me, as a woman and mother, to work outside the home?”
In financial terms? Absolutely. My salary covers childcare costs and contributes to our family income—just like my husband’s paycheck does. We are in the same income bracket, so why is it assumed that he has more of a right to work? Why must I justify my worth while his employment is taken for granted?
Emotionally, answering this is more complex. I experience mom guilt, which is all too real. I adore my children and miss them when we’re apart. However, my role as their mother remains intact. I prepare breakfast, support and advocate for them, attend their activities, comfort them after scrapes, and mediate sibling arguments. I listen to their imaginative stories and lie with them until they drift off to sleep. Of course, my husband does all of these things as well. With two kids, there is enough parenting for both of us. We love our children and want to be present, but we also value our careers and the stability they provide.
And what about my professional aspirations? They existed long before I became a mother and will continue to thrive after my children are grown. I am passionate about my work and cannot fathom abandoning it completely. This is not to say that every parent must work; stay-at-home parents are invaluable, just as those who work outside the home are. Each family faces unique joys and challenges.
So, is it worth it for me to work? Yes, undoubtedly. It fulfills my desires and meets my family’s needs. Like everyone, I am a person with skills, interests, and dreams. I aspire for my children and for my career, and these aspirations are not mutually exclusive. The real issue lies in the need for me to defend my choices, while my husband navigates his life without scrutiny.
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In summary, as a working mother, the question of whether my work is “worth it” is one I wish would fade away. I contribute to my family financially, emotionally, and professionally. It is time society recognizes that both parents’ contributions are equally valuable, without the need for justification.