Fifteen years ago, my partner and I exchanged vows. We’ve spent nearly two decades together—two full decades. We first crossed paths when I was just 22, practically still a child. If my calculations are correct, he has been a part of my life for almost as long as he hasn’t been.
I could spin a tale of love at first sight, proclaim him my best friend, and label him my “soul mate.” Yet, it wasn’t necessarily love at first glance (at least not in the conventional way), and #soblessed feels more like #sofake, a sentiment that makes me gag slightly. Sure, he is my best friend—but that also includes being a partner, lover, supporter, and confidant who still makes my heart flutter.
Our love story is as extraordinary as anyone’s, yet utterly ordinary to everyone else. It’s amazing, though, in the way all love stories are. The brief version of our journey includes law school classes, burritos, drinks, a late-night drive in a hatchback, and plenty of debates over what actually qualifies as our first date. The detailed version is a tapestry of years spent dating, discovering one another, making mistakes, and falling in love repeatedly, ultimately concluding that yes, this is the person I want to share my life with—this is the one I want to bicker with over the thermostat and research minivans alongside.
However, when we made that commitment years ago, we truly didn’t grasp what it meant to share a life. How could we, as starry-eyed twenty-somethings? But therein lies the beauty of falling in love young—you don’t just age together; you grow up together. You don’t merely share lives; you genuinely experience life side by side.
Sometimes, if you’re fortunate, you come to realize that when you declared them as The One, you had no clue what that meant. Because growing together, sharing a life, is even more extraordinary than you could have imagined.
When we exchanged our traditional vows, we had no idea how unconventional our life would become years later. We were unaware of how much we would both evolve, or that thankfully, our changes would be compatible. We didn’t foresee needing each other to endure challenges like miscarriages or Alzheimer’s disease. We had no idea how to cope with the heartbreak of losing our first “baby”—our beloved pet, a gift to each other for our first anniversary—or witnessing our child’s tears on the baseball pitcher’s mound. We spent hours—yes, literal hours—debating composting methods and the correct way to fold towels (there is indeed a right way).
And honestly, I still don’t know what lies ahead. I have no idea how we will continue to grow and evolve, or what triumphs and adversities we will face together. But you know what? I’m grateful for the uncertainty. This journey of growing up together has been one of life’s greatest pleasures.
I don’t possess the wisdom to explain why some marriages endure while others falter. Perhaps it’s a blend of hard work, compassion, and everything the “experts” suggest, paired with love, a bit of luck, and a dash of magic. It also helps to be with someone who is kind and shares mutual trust and respect.
I don’t have profound insights or advice since we’re still navigating this journey ourselves. While 15 years of marriage—20 years as a couple—can feel like half a lifetime (which, for me, it literally is), in many ways, we’re just beginning. And let’s be honest, we still have more growing up to do.
What I know for certain—what I felt back then and still feel now—is that there is no one else I’d rather face the uncertain future with than him. And that conviction is more than enough.
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In summary, my early naivety regarding marriage has transformed into a deeper appreciation for the journey we share. Growing together has been a remarkable adventure, one filled with love, challenges, and countless learning experiences.