For the first four decades of my life, the thought of using a sex toy never crossed my mind. I found pleasure both alone and with my partner, so I questioned the necessity of such devices. Honestly, the idea of a non-human object coming into contact with my intimate areas felt rather strange. If I wanted something cold and clinical, a visit to the gynecologist would suffice—no thanks.
If you’re someone who regularly enjoys sex toys, you might think I’m out of my mind. What’s the fuss about? I get it, but that was my perspective. After years of sexual satisfaction without any toys, introducing something new seemed not only unnecessary but also a bit cumbersome. I often thought, “I’m too old for that.”
Yet, that very sentiment became the motivation for me to venture into this territory. With age, I noticed I was becoming more set in my ways, hesitant to embrace new experiences, be it meeting new people, exploring different places, or, yes, considering new vibrating toys. I didn’t want to become that middle-aged woman resistant to change.
Shortly after I turned 41, I decided to bring home a few new companions (which were generously provided for review). The first was the Sona by Lelo, a clitoral stimulator that bears a resemblance to a mini back massager.
The second, also from Lelo, was the Soraya, a rabbit vibrator designed to stimulate both the clitoris and the G-spot.
Lastly, I received the Crescendo, a versatile vibe that can be bent into various shapes and used solo or with a partner, aiming to stimulate multiple areas at once.
I’ll admit, it took me ages to even unbox these intriguing gadgets. My apprehension around technology made me uneasy about charging them and connecting to my phone (a feature available with the Crescendo). Plus, I was stressed about where to charge them without my curious kids discovering them. That part felt more challenging than exciting.
Eventually, I enlisted my partner to assist with the charging—a rather ironic and somewhat traditional choice, yet it was necessary to prepare for my new adventure.
My first trial was with the Sona, which I used alongside my partner. It was a cute experience, but after a few minutes, I found it more irritating than pleasurable. Despite experimenting with its numerous settings, I struggled to find the right balance of pressure. I also tried it solo, with similar results. My hands, which I had relied on for years, provided far more satisfaction. Relaxation is crucial for a fulfilling orgasm, and I couldn’t achieve that with the Sona.
I had comparable feelings with the Crescendo. While it didn’t quite do it for me in terms of clitoral stimulation, I found its vaginal stimulation somewhat enjoyable. It seemed better suited for those seeking targeted stimulation rather than full penetration. Ultimately, it left me feeling unfulfilled.
You might think I’m a total failure with sex toys, but I had more luck with the Soraya! I used it for masturbation on two occasions, and it turned out to be quite enjoyable. I did have to move the clitoral stimulator aside, which was a minor annoyance, but the G-spot stimulator hit the perfect spot and provided the fullness I craved. I often wished for more vaginal stimulation during solo sessions, and this toy delivered.
Will I incorporate it into my routine again? Perhaps. As a busy working mom, my opportunities for self-pleasure are few and far between. I worry about remembering to charge the device, and the thought of cleaning it afterward—though simple—adds another layer of inconvenience.
Nonetheless, I found the Soraya delightful; it even made an appearance in one of my recent dreams. This could signify an opening up to new experiences, transforming the toy from a cold object into something more intimate—like a second partner, which is precisely its purpose.
While my journey with these sex toys wasn’t a total success, it was still enlightening. I discovered that finding the right toy can take time and that preferences vary significantly among individuals. I had initially assumed I would prefer clitoral stimulators like many friends of mine, but that wasn’t the case for me.
Most importantly, I recognized that trying new things—even those that involve insertion—is beneficial for someone like me, and it’s an experience I should pursue more often.
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In summary, my first experience with a vibrator in my 40s was a journey of exploration. It highlighted the importance of being open to new experiences and recognizing that personal preferences vary widely. While not every attempt was a triumph, the overall experience was positive, encouraging me to embrace change and enjoy the adventure.